Life is just like a cup of coffee

Last One

2012-01-06T03:56:00.000-08:00

This is my last post in this blog.

I always said that life is just like a cup of coffee. Life is a mix of tastes. Sweet and bitter. Actually, it's more than that. I want to share two stories of coffee as my last post.

1. Carrot, egg and coffee bean
A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, “Tell me, what do you see?” “Carrots, eggs, and coffee,” she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg. Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, “What does it mean, mother?”

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity – boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

“Which are you?” she asked her daughter. “When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?”

Are you the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity wilts, becomes soft, and loses strength? Are you the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Does your shell look the same, but on the inside are you bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or are you the coffee bean? Actually changing the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level?

2. Coffee and Cup
A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.

Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to the coffee.

When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said: "If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups have been taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress.

Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the coffee. In most cases it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups... And then you began eyeing each other's cups.

Now consider this: Life is the coffee; the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, and the type of cup we have does not define, nor change the quality of life we live.

Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee. Savor the coffee, not the cups! The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything. Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly.

***

Finally, I am here. The end of my post. Thank you to my friends who read this. You are the only people who read this blog.

Have a nice day everyday. Stay Awesome :)

I Just Know Simple Things Can Be So Awesome ^^

2012-01-05T05:47:00.000-08:00

Here is a video of a guy trying to ask a girl out..
Nice way.. and absolutely AWESOME ^^

I just know that life can be so awesome if you really treasure it because even simple things in our life can be so colorful. I wonder why I just realise it now. Maybe because I was born and raised in conservative environment. Ever since I was little, no occasions in my life seems so special, everything just ordinary and we see it as a struggle and we always thought that only rich people can be happy and the most important thing in this life is Money. That's very natural.

I used to be jealous of people who was born in rich family and have wise parents. Everything will be so easy in life with money and having wise people to tell you how awesome this world is (despite the money matters) will be a great fortune in a person's life.

So far, when I lean back, I think some of my wishes has become true. I wish to had an adventure, and now I'm having one. I wish to meet a person as wise as Gandalf, and I met one. I wish I can experience study abroad, now I'm experiencing one.

But that's not enough. Not because I'm greedy. It just not enough for me to present myself in the middle of my family, because in the end, my family still believe that money is the happiness of life.

Everyday I wake up, I'm feeling happy because how simple things in here are so awesome and people I'm living with and I met see it like the way I do. Some strangers in the road walking on a dog could smile to me and say hi. My friends in Elms and class cherish every moment we had. Teachers are very friendly and encourage you to move on. People will say "Can I help You?" "How are you" "That's lovely".

This may be temporary. But the memory is so precious. I thought that even I'll just have one year in here, this is the most awesome year I had experienced.

Londonderry and Hot Pot

2012-01-01T16:19:00.000-08:00

I watched the new year celebration around the world through BBC. Must say that the 11-minute fireworks display under the London Eye, triggered by Big Ben's chimes, is the best. I wish I were there. But never mind, I'll try next year, although I'm not sure it will be as much as beautiful as this year because it's London 2012 Olympic moment.

Here I am, posting some photos from Londonderry trip and also the hot pot dinner we had at the first night of new year ^o^

Taste good ^o^

Waiting to eat hot pot

Hot Pot Ingredient hahahha

On The Train (2 hours journey from Belfast)

Still on the train

Londonderry City

Austins, the world's oldest independent department store

View from top

Irish Shop

Peace Bridge

With Julia

Weather wasn't cooperating, but still wanted to take a memory ;p

With John, Local friend

Strong Wind

Cannon

Not time for war anymore. Cheers.

Book Sale

Take a photo

Big Snowman

Long Walk at City Walls

Awesome

2011-12-31T16:01:00.000-08:00

2012. My first time to celebrate new year in Belfast. Should post more photos about my days here, my trip to Derry, and the fireworks. But my Iphone seems not friendly at all. I had to ask my friends to send it. Here are some photos for the moment. Will post more when they send me.

Me In Green Peace's Star Wars' Costume

Playing after the very first snow in Elms

Snow in Elms

Snow Falling

2011 seems like a tough year. Lot of things happened. And not everything's good.
Never mind. Neil Pasricha said:

We’re all gonna get lumps.
We’re all gonna get bumps.
Nobody can predict the future, but we do know one thing about it: It ain’t gonna go according to plan.

Watching Neil in Ted talks and read his blog somehow brighten up my days. It's true. Only 100 years to live, and why I choose to swirl in gloom and doom forever???

"There will be times in your life you’re tossed down the well too. There will be times you’ll cry yourself to sleep, with twists in your stomach, with holes in your heart. You may wonder if it’s all worth it and you may think that it ain’t. You may wonder if you can handle it or you may beg for restraint."

link for Neil's Ted Talk:
http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/en/neil_pasricha_the_3_a_s_of_awesome.html

So, I'm not the only one experiencing it. Ups and downs. Everyone does. And Neil come up with 3 A's: Attitude, Awareness and Authenticity. I should move on with little awesome things I have. He is completely right.

Here I am. 2012. Absolutely like what I dream last year, celebrating new year abroad.

Awesome.

Let it snow..let it snow..let it snow

2011-12-04T15:39:00.000-08:00

I am doing my essay and suddenly a lot of noises outside..people are screaming and it's like in the night club party. I take a look at the window..and what happened next is:
It's snowing................yes...
Thank Goodness I can see it..finally...

It's so beautiful. I'll take some pictures tomorrow because it's too dark and my iphone 3GS can't capture a good quality of photo.

I love it...it's so beautiful to see it falls..so soft..so white...

I'm going to write soon..

unbelievable..unforgotten..

Even I'm so stressed to finish this essay, I find myself so happy..

Thank goodness I am here ;)

I am so selfish

2011-11-24T14:02:00.000-08:00

Today, we received our feedback with the grade for our first assignment, presentation of PESTLE analysis on MNC. I got the highest grade, the only A in the class. I was surprised and so happy to read the feedback, and when I think that it comes from an experienced teacher (who has worked in some big companies around the world), I just can't help to be proud of myself even for just a moment in there when she told me that she really likes my presentation.

She writes in the feedback sheet, my structure and delivery part is professional and very engaging. Woow.. it's that really me whom she's talking about?? Anyhow, she hope that I can keep up the high standard and do well in my next assignment which worth 35 % this time, an essay about the globalisation debate. I just can say hopefully so.. because this is the first time I'm doing essay in a country where plagiarism is a very concern issue. Just learn that I need to think very critical to do essay and need to acknowledge people's idea.

I have my own comments for my teacher, Dr Sarah Harper, she has lot of experiences and very professional in teaching with many methods. I think the way she's trying to make us feel more critical with the case studies and real life example also pushing us to watch BBC news and read Sunday Mail is an excellent attempt to make us more competent. Even from the 1st day of our class, she already make a point by asking us what we want to do with our future and how our class is going to help us one more step closer to it.

Enough for the academical things. Although I'm still struggling with the English grammar and structure. I need to write about how I feel I'm so selfish. The more I think, the more thoughts coming. I happen to realize that all I want is moving forward, leaving all the things before I come here behind. I feel like my life here is so colorful, so concise, and more meaningful. This is all I ever wanted. And I know the dream to work in MNC is just one and half year away from me. I doubt if I can do it, but as my motto of life: It's not how good you are, It's how good you want to be; I'm ready to give my best shot here, I have nothing to lose because by coming here and experienced all the things for this 2 months is brilliant. Whenever I think about the scenario if I back without nothing, the hardest part is to think about people's opinion about me. Because the world only see result. Let me correct it, some countries only see result. Because after I come here, I met many wonderful people, they are open minded, they value hardworking, and they never laugh at you when you doing wrong or even talking about your bad side behind the back, they will come to you and tell you what's wrong and how you're going to fix it. They really set a target in life and focusing in achieving it and it seems like life is always challenging and exciting to them. People in my country won't see life the way people here. I even can't explain precisely. I only can feel it.

I feel so selfish for wanting more while my family is worry about my health and safety. Even I tell them I'm okay, it's not really make them comfortable. I'm so lucky my family let me come here, but it becomes a burden in some way. They don't really expect anything from me, and I bet they don't care if I'm the first or the last in class, all they want is to hear I'm fine and come back home safely.

I come from a conservative family. It's complicated to explain. I just know that I have to stay tough and hopefully I can reach my another dream so one day I can take my family here, to see the perfect rainbow, jumping in the river side, eat Nando's peri-peri chicken with creamy mash and walking around. Perhaps they don't really like it but I wish they can understand, I'm here living in my dream right now.

A very wise friend of mine write to me a very good philosophy:

I told you about my wrong route taken during my trip right? Because it is so steep, i also want to go back, but back then, I think i was already at 1500meters high.

No one in sight. I am desperate. So I decided to to go back, and the way wasn't easy though, because i have climbed and now to go down, it is much more difficult.

After a rest, luckily a man came up too. I ask him, are we on the right route, he said... yes, and it is a 'medium' level to hike and climb route, so not to 'hike' level. I told him, i want to go back. He said to me: in hiking and climbing generally, you set up the route or you might be mistaken or you might change your plan, but if you hike and climb, the first thing NOT to do is going back. Because the way down might be much more dangerously than the way up. Because if you go up, you can grab on something you see in front of you but not when you are going down.

So the way to do is, gather your energy and going all through up. The way is there and the way is well signed. So there is nothing wrong i can do. Just finish the route.

And it is the same with you. Now there is no wrong steps/decisions been made. It is made and all you need to do is, just finish the route. It might took longer or you might find doubts or difficulties, but isnt it much better to say to yourself, you have done it? Since now the chance is in front of you?

Fear is normal. We all fear of something new. But don't let it control you. There is nothing about egoist or not egoist. There is also no guarantee in life. The guarantee is yourself. So make the best out of yourself.

It's a great metaphor. I hope by writing this can remind me how lucky I am to have a good story to accompany me in my journey of life. Because I used to be jealous of my students because I can see how their parents encouraging them, saying meaningful words of life to them. Because words have power, it give you the strength to face life and see it as a wonderful thing.

I'm not sure what kind of person am I, for some people I might be just arrogant little woman or perhaps the spoil kid? I wish I can be a better person. But I need to be selfish right now. I really need to finish this wonderful journey before I fix everything behind.

I wish I can say sorry to anyone who I say or did wrong thing to them, intentionally or unintentionally. I really wish I can. But for this moment, all I can do is just keep moving forward.

Perfect Rainbow at Belfast

2011-11-08T10:30:00.001-08:00

I wish I had a good quality camera to capture every moment I had here. Anyhow, this is what I got after the rain, a nice perfect half circle rainbow..wooooow...

It reminded me about the Laskar Pelangi movie. I feel more encouraged after thinking about it once again. After all I've done, finally I am here. What I've been through is something that maybe people like Ikal and Lintang in that movie could understand.

Everyday I woke up, it still felt like living in a dream. Every scene is like in the picture. Beautiful. I loved every minute in here. Even they said we're going to have worse winter this year, but I'm still curious about the snow :) . Waiting it come in December.

Got to do a lot of homeworks and pratice my English skills especially the pronunciation and writing research. I never thought writing academically will get me into many troubles. But I have to admit that the lessons are getting more intense. I still haven't prepared for my "tough" presentation next week in Business in International Context. Going to talk about my favorite company, the largest energy company in the world, Exxonmobil.

I have to post some pictures of my room cause I know next year I'll be leaving this room, so I'd like to took some memories about it. It's quite nice here, actually. This is my bed:

This is my desk:
A view outside my window:

And this is what I and my Japanese friend cooked last week (I forget what it called):

Gonna work hard and seize the opportunity. Gonna remember all the people who inspire me and think differently. I got to be strong because I have another dream to chase and hopefully it will happen once again to me, a dream come true. Whatever it is, I'm already living in my dream. All I need is more concentration on the way down there. Like this lines taken from Alice in Wonderland:

One More Thing

2011-10-25T10:11:00.000-07:00

It's quite late to discuss about Steve Jobs , 20 days after the sad news. But I recently read about him while searching my assignments in McClay Library (I got a big homework researching big company), especially the part Steve Jobs remained a Buddhist for the rest of his life. Woow..it makes me more adore him because I am a Buddhist too. We can read a lot of his life, his style and everything about him in the web. We also can see how the world seem like drowning in sadness like losing someone so special. We can also dispute a lot of eccentric things about him. After all, life goes on, the world can't hold him forever. It's sad to think that he's only 56 but he's been in death battle before and he won, but not this time. Indeed, he said that death is one of the most perfect invention in life because no one want to die, even the one who wants to go to heaven, so we'll do our best to live an exceptional life.

Is he old fashioned? Let's take a look. From top to bottom, it was a black St. Croix mock turtleneck sweater, blue Levi 501 jeans, and New Balance 991 trainers. The items may reflect his minimalist tastes, or perhaps his flair for personal as well as corporate branding. Mr Jobs does'nt appear to have spoken publicly about his choice of clothing, although once told friends that he did not care about his appearance. This was not always the case. During the 1980s he would regularly make public appearances in flashy Italian suits, and was even known to wear a colourful bow tie.

What I noticed clearly is the losing weights. This is the picture of Mr. Jobs when he was young.

Appearance really deceiving. Who can guess this innocent face will turned up to be elegant genius face?

But what I want to emphasize about Mr. Jobs is how he always amaze the world. The way he present his work, he always save the best for last. Steve Jobs regularly did that when launching products. Having unveiled a raft of new gadgets, just as guests were getting ready to leave, he would utter the now famous words "One more thing..."

When he did so, there was always a mischievous smile. It was part of his genius as a showman. One more things have included the Powerbook G4, iPod touch and Facetime video calling.

It is unclear if the tradition will continue after Steve Jobs, meaning we may have seen the last ever one more thing.

Suddenly, I can feel life is so challenging. We can't choose how we are going to start it at the first place, but we can choose how we are going to end it. Doesn't mean how to choose the way we die, but how we live our life to the very best in our capability so we can great death as an old friend who we know one day will pick us anyhow.

Thank you Steve Jobs, for being an ultimate inspiration.

Jeff Bezos: Build Yourself A Great Story

2011-10-15T14:28:00.001-07:00

"I knew that if I failed, I wouldn't regret that, but I knew the one thing I might regret is not trying".

Jeff Bezos is one of many great people who story behind their success convinced me that there are "some things" they have in common:
- dare to take risk
- love to read books
- think out of the box
- have philosophies lines they believe in and live with

I read about Jeff Bezos many years ago, and I still remember how I was impressed by his story.
Especially this part (I took this from an interview):

Jeff Bezos: I went to my boss and said to him, "You know, I'm going to go do this crazy thing and I'm going to start this company selling books online." This was something that I had already been talking to him about in a sort of more general context, but then he said, "Let's go on a walk." And, we went on a two hour walk in Central Park in New York City and the conclusion of that was this. He said, "You know, this actually sounds like a really good idea to me, but it sounds like it would be a better idea for somebody who didn't already have a good job." He convinced me to think about it for 48 hours before making a final decision. So, I went away and was trying to find the right framework in which to make that kind of big decision. I had already talked to my wife about this, and she was very supportive and said, "Look, you know you can count me in 100 percent, whatever you want to do." It's true she had married this fairly stable guy in a stable career path, and now he wanted to go do this crazy thing, but she was 100 percent supportive. So, it really was a decision that I had to make for myself, and the framework I found which made the decision incredibly easy was what I called -- which only a nerd would call -- a "regret minimization framework." So, I wanted to project myself forward to age 80 and say, "Okay, now I'm looking back on my life. I want to have minimized the number of regrets I have." I knew that when I was 80 I was not going to regret having tried this. I was not going to regret trying to participate in this thing called the Internet that I thought was going to be a really big deal. I knew that if I failed I wouldn't regret that, but I knew the one thing I might regret is not ever having tried. I knew that that would haunt me every day, and so, when I thought about it that way it was an incredibly easy decision. And, I think that's very good. If you can project yourself out to age 80 and sort of think, "What will I think at that time?" it gets you away from some of the daily pieces of confusion. You know, I left this Wall Street firm in the middle of the year. When you do that, you walk away from your annual bonus. That's the kind of thing that in the short-term can confuse you, but if you think about the long-term then you can really make good life decisions that you won't regret later.

Making a decision is hard one. And I bet only a few people would want to do that. That's why Jeff become like today. He beat the odds and somehow give a light to people who want to follow their passion. It takes more than courage to take the risk of losing everything to do something that will make you happy. I try to explain this thing to my friends and family. Somehow it won't work. Maybe because I'm not Jeff Bezos.

At least I and Jeff Bezos share the same hobby, reading. He loves to read classic books like Hobbit, LOTR and his favourite is A Wrinkle In Time. He used to spent his summers by reading books in his grandparent's little town which happened to have a tiny little Andrew Carnegie-style library where all the books had been donated from the local citizens. It's lovely to know that. If I met someone like Jeff Bezos in my life, I will hope he will ask me out. He is my type :P

Jeff Bezos idea is out of the box. He finally made something that no one in that time would think about it. I give him credit for that. But what I find out is he is more than just gifted, he is also a kind person. I saw the video of him giving speech at his almamater, Princeton University, he makes the case that our character is reflected not in the gifts we're endowed with at birth, but by the choices we make over the course of a lifetime.

He said at the last of his speech: build yourself a great story.

I always think of that line when I finally made it here. I want to make myself a great story. I want to do the best in my capability, because that is how success is defined, try to reach the best thing in our capability. Somehow people make it look hard by comparing or by ranking. At the end, what matters is how we won't regret by living our life to the best we can.

It's still like living in a dream here, but I know I don't. I am happy and grateful. I had another dream to be realized. This time it won't be so impossible anymore, because I know it shouldn't be a burden, it should be a journey that I need to make the best out of it.

Of course it won't be easy, but why I need to be bother for? I know when I get there, people will say "congratulation", but if I don't, they will say "I'm sorry". I already realized that it doesn't matter what they said, because they are the types who wait and see for the safe route. I don't blame them, I blame myself for letting their thoughts and words get into my mind. After all, it's me who experienced the exceptional journey. And only a few true friends and people will understand that it's worth to have this experience rather than just saying things behind the back.

So, this is me trying to live an exceptional journey of my life. I know I won't regret this one.

Between me, Lionel Messi and Steve Jobs

2011-10-08T04:40:00.000-07:00

Two weeks already. Getting quite usual with everything here except the weather, which is getting worse and worse, and waiting to touch the snow for the first time :)

So, I just feel like to write today (before doing my homeworks) about how I find myself between two most admiring people in the world, one is a famous and talented football player, another one is one of the greatest inventor who just passed away a few days ago.

Lionel Messi, claimed to be the successor of Diego Maradona, was diagnosed with a growth hormone deficiency at age of 11. It's funny how I see the Adidas Commercial and find out about this information. His story really reflects what Adidas "Impossible is Nothing" line.

Well, after watching the video, it just confirmed me that there is no easy way to reach our dream. And I think it doesn't matter if the dream's come true or not, but the process in getting the dream, how we live our life, is much more important. Imagine if Messi just gave up on being football player because he is the smallest one in the field, imagine he gave up on his dream just because he needed to take the growth hormone injection every night for the consecutive three years, maybe we won't know who the hell Lionel Messi is. But Messi himself just grab his "imperfectness" as an advantage because he said so himself that because he is small, it made him more quick and more agile.

I bet everyone has their "imperfectness". So do I. Lots of it. I remember I also always the shortest one among my friends. Sometimes I can feel insecure. But slowly I told myself, it doesn't matter. I just remember Messi, and I feel okay.

Another person I'm going to write is a man who put the world on our fingers, Steve Jobs. His dead has brought sadness to the world because he is one of the greatest inventor on earth. Everyone must wondering what he is going to invent in the future if he's still alive.

I watched Steve Jobs giving a speech at Stanford University commencement, he urges us to pursue our dreams and see the opportunities in life's setbacks. He tells three very candid, uncharacteristically Steve Jobs stories about life, love and death from a guy who's biological mother wasn't able to parent him, was booted from the company he created and battles cancer. Anyone stuck in a miserable job — or anyone trying to figure out what to do with their life — should watch this. He's an inspiring fellow human.

I think it's a very inspiring speech. I told myself repeatedly about the line: life is going to hit you in your head with a brick, DON'T LOSE FAITH. I just sitting there watching it and told myself this guy has proved it, sometimes thinking in different way than most people think can be stressful thing but at last, following our heart and do what we think we have passion about is much more important.

What I find myself between Messi and Steve Jobs is I need to learn from them. Accept the way I am and do what I love to do.

If Steve Jobs end his speech with saying the "stay hungry, stay foolish", I want to end this writing by saying the line of Robert Frost: "two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference".

An Accomplishment of a Dream

2011-09-28T13:12:00.000-07:00

When the air crew making the announcement that we'll land at Heathrow International Airport in London in about 15 minutes, I still can't believe it, I looked out the window and the sun is just rising like welcoming me to a new chapter of my life, I made it here. Finally..it's an accomplishment of a dream.

Quite a rewarding journey after almost 14 hours on the Qantas plane. I was having such an enjoyable flight with a pillow and a blanket watching the entertainment on a little plasma, also having supper, breakfast and refill water and snacks. I slept about 4 hours and find myself had the effects of wrong position sleep.

I needed to go to connecting flight after arriving in the airport. It was such a big airport. I thought Changi airport is very big already, but this one is bigger than that. I had to hurry up because it was quite a long walk to the connecting flight. Everyone seems like running there. Also for the foreigners we needed to take a photo and visa check in the border, so it took a long time queuing there because there are so many people that day, and there is a football team from Argentina that queuing in front of me.

It's only take one hour from London to Belfast, where I study my Graduate Diploma commencing Msc Management in Queen's University of Belfast. I'm not surprise to find out that Belfast is a little town with many historical buildings instead of high modern designed buildings. And I quickly fall in love with this city because is quite and neat. It also has many green yards and the air is so fresh. It's autumn and I can see the leaves falling down and it's beautiful.

I met many new friends from all over the world here. Most dominant is Chinese. They really rule the world. It's like what I read and hear all this time, Chinese is like rice that scattered from a plate. You can find Chinese wherever part in this world. But regret to say, I noticed that many people from other countries dislike them because they like to create a group of their own and speaking their own language. I can speak a little chinese and sometimes when I communicate with them, they preferred to speak Chinese with me.

I made two close friends who are staying in the same block with me in Rowan Garden 3. We made breakfast and dinner together in these few days. A Singaporean guy who is one year older than me and a 17 years old Hong Kong lady.

This first week has been quite a very brilliant experience for me. I learned to cook and to socialize which is out of my box. I can see that everything has just been started. I need to move on with a new environment and the situation makes me have to be a stronger person. Hopefully I can survive, not just for the winter (which is we're afraid that we can't handle the cold, the weather will be minus degree), but in a new life which I hope not just last for one or two years, but 10 or 20 years.

Thank you to my family and friends who has been supporting me so far. And thanks to INTO Quuen's University of Belfast who has awarded me with the half scholarship which making my top list dream become true.

:)

Everything Will Be Just Fine

2011-09-21T20:30:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow will be my last day in Lubuk Pakam, Indonesia. My adventure in North Ireland, Belfast, will began soon.

How am I feeling right now?? Out of sudden comes everything in my mind. Excitement, fear, worries, lot of energies..

I must be grateful for having family who has been supporting me so far. But most of everything I feel grateful for my friends who always be there for me even they just give me words. And there is a line that I wish it will become true:

"everything will be just fine"

Hopefully I can do better than what I imagined I can. So, life rolls on, and I wish I can move on too. Here I am, at the gate of my dream, let's get started.

Here we go..Belfast!

2011-09-14T01:36:00.000-07:00

Finally, visa approved!!!

Got excited for a minute but also afraid the next minute when they told me the news. Excited, because it comes at cap go meh (the mooncake festival); meaning it's a very good sign (ho jit ci ho siao sit, good day good news). Afraid, cause I'll be a total stranger in a far country which I will be going by myself for about 24 hours (including transit) flight.

I slept for only one hour yesterday. My mind was filled with a lot of thoughts. I feel so sorry for my family, they sacrificed a lot for me. I am also burdened myself with a big responsibility to do the right things in Belfast. I questioned myself, am I able to make the best out of this opportunity.

It's one way street. There is no plan b anymore. This is me, entering a whole new chapter of my life. This is what I'm dreaming all the time in high school. Studying overseas. To see and experience another part of world.

I heard it from my friend who has already been there, everything will be so wonderful. No dust, 4 seasons, people are open, lots of beautiful places, and a very different method of education. But, must be more careful in winter. Not just have to prepare for the winter jacket, but must prepare our body with the temperature there. It's already dark at 5 pm in winter and it could make my lips, ears and nose bleed if my body can't resist the cold. So must prepare the clothes and eat some medication to make my body stronger and the blood's circulation good. :)

Only got one week to prepare everything. Will be on my flight to Singapore next Friday. And then continue with British Airways to Belfast (transit in London). Hope everything just run smoothly.

Got to learn many things there, but definitely will miss the things I did here. I finally realize that whatever happened, just adjust ourselves, it's like playing cards, we can't choose the cards we are dealt with, but we can try to play it as well as we can. Sometimes the best player is not the one who always win but the one who play the cards with good hands. So, I'll just have to go and play in the game, hopefully I can enjoy it.

I'll be saying goodbye to friends in next few days. I don't know what exactly to say, it's just a new beginning and I'm not sure what I can get from this chance. But what I'm so sure is I'll be thrilled if I can be a better person there.

Here we go, Belfast!

Where am I?

2011-09-09T19:15:00.000-07:00

People can act and say nice things to me. I can see some of them are just trying to comfort me, some of them are afraid if I can do things that they wish themselves can do, and some of them are only trying to be as nice as possible. But I do feel a few people really want nice things happen to me.

It feels like ages waiting for the visa confirmation. Where am I? Am I making any progress? It's been two weeks since I went to Jakarta for giving my biometrics. I tried to say to myself to have a little patience. Way too much.

What concern me is not whether my visa is approved or not, but what matters most to me is my next decision. I have been thinking too much about what people thought about me all this time. People can give their opinion, people can have their pictures of a success life, but why I must be influenced by them? I'm surrounded by conservative people who according to Robert Kiyosaki are people who are trapped in rat race. It's hard not to be influenced in that way.

But whatever it is, I must feel glad. I can use this problem as a storm in my life that I need to overcome. After this, I can be stronger. It's easy to said than done. But I must give it a try anyhow. How worse it could be from now on?

So, where am I? I am in a station, waiting for next train in a few days. I know exactly where I am heading to, only that I don't know which train will come. I know that I'm going to board on it.

Have a little faith.

My Story at Old Town Jakarta

2011-09-02T10:26:00.001-07:00

My final battle to get the UK visa was going to Jakarta for giving my biometric data: fingerprint and photo. I tried to use this coincidentally time with Hari Raya Idul Fitri to spend two weeks holiday(which I thought the place won't be so much crowded compare to usual days because people were going back from Jakarta to celebrate this event in their hometown).

I planned to go to Borobudur and Puncak at the first place, but later I found out that the ticket's price was higher than my estimation and I was left by the options going with bus or train which were not just taking too much time but also with higher possibility of criminality. I once convinced myself that I had this spirit of backpacker that I can went there all alone (because my friends in Jakarta were also going back to their hometown) but after analyzing the incident recently happened to a young woman in neighborhood, finally I reschedule my flight, moving it one week earlier.

I was living with my friend (CV) and her sister in hostel. They are Buddhist so they weren't moving like others. They (also with her sister's boyfriend) helped me a lot. Glad to be with them because I can experienced one week of Jakarta's hostel guys life style. But most of all I was grateful they want to accompany me sight seeing.

We went to malls for shopping, mostly for my stuffs. But I think what I like the most was our trip at the Old Town Jakarta. It's a very antique place. A little bit Batavia style. Not well-maintained, seems like abandoned site, but there were many catchy spots, photographer will love it, narcissistic will get on their move.

We also entered the Museum Wayang (Puppet Museum). After visiting many museums in Singapore, this one seems losing many touches. But after all, I enjoyed some concepts in there like how they still keep the Holland's writing on the walls and the old styles. I also love how they want to keep the story of Indonesian puppets which is really unique in our own way. I got myself pics with Gatot Kaca and Hanoman. They are popular in Java. What I think lack is the poor presentations, they might want to try to digitize the explanations of the puppet so people could know the history by watching the short movie, or slides like in power point. The lighting will be more attractive if they can combine more than one color. There were no guides to explain our exploration in the museum but I think it's understandable because Indonesian don't love to ask the guides and this museum is far away from Louvre Museum which you'll definitely need a guide to explain to you the story of everything inside it.

It was a beautiful day. I enjoyed it. I'm back to my hometown already just a few hours ago. And I missed to be with them again. Although I felt pretty awkward but I had fun. I and CV talked a lot and seems like we always love to get on to words fight, teasing each other. I hoped she won't feel bad about me and don't take my words seriously. I also noticed that there are some manners of mine that needed to be changed for my own good.

That's it. That's my story at old town Jakarta. Don't know when I'll be back again there. I'm still waiting for visa confirmation. Everything still in motion. And what can I say for now? Keep on moving.

Lee Chong Wei, A Man Of Honor

2011-08-15T08:14:00.001-07:00

There is no doubt that Lin Dan is the best player in badminton history all the time. Even if I can put all the superlative adjective words together, it still can't describe how perfect Lin Dan is. The first and only player who wins The Super Grand Slam in Badminton, and it seem never enough for him to be four times All England winner or four times world champion, he ain't stopping yet, his next goal is to gain another gold medal in London's Olympic 2012. He is, what I can say, a man of full determination, commitment and has a mental made of gold. Watching him play, like yesterday in BWF Championship Final, you'll understand what it called: never give up. He is truly the champion of the champion. Not mentioned that he is good looking. And I'll always love how he give his military salute after winning the game, how he threw off his shirt and shoes to his fans.

But it was a heartbreaking to watch Lee Chong Wei lose. I really feel sorry for him. It was a bittersweet moment for me. I'm Lin Dan's fan, yet Chong Wei has shown one of the most attractive match in badminton history. Too sad for me to say that Chong Wei is so close yet so far from the crown. Only 2 points, and he reached the match point first, twice. It was so dramatic, really like watching a movie. People are going to talk about this for ages.

I read from the web about how he frustrated after the lose, I saw the video of how he put up such a misery face during the victory ceremony, rushed out with cramps on both his legs, quickly took off his silver medal from his neck and later I read that he was lying in a corner with tears in his eyes. You can see from the picture above, somehow I feel he'll be haunted by Lin Dan forever.

But I was wrong I think. Chong Wei is a man of honor.

Chong wei vowed to move forward and put his focus on the next Olympic that will be held next year in the same place. He gave the Malaysian fans some good news, might I quote him: “I may have lost the opportunity to become the country’s first champion but I am coming back. I will be back in 2013 to get it right,” That is the spirit!

Chong wei might feel so tough while Lin Dan celebrating his victory with his flamboyant touches, it just like adding another pain to a wound. But what I respect most of Chong Wei is his attitude in accepting what happens to him. I recall in 2006 Malaysia Open, Lin Dan show some insult manners after Chong Wei defeated him, although Lin Dan has changed his attitude from that time on, I guess Chong Wei's attitude is honorable.

Sports can teach life lesson too. Chong Wei has taught me that it matters not to become a champion, but how to accept lose and moving forward.

A sad ending. I really wish Chong Wei can win the olympic gold next year. I might not just enjoying how he's going to celebrate it, which is not as flamboyant as Lin Dan but he might just hug his coach and waving to his fans, but I'll love to take it as a great comeback of a man who never really defeated even he lose many times to his arch rival. He will be remembered as a man who fight with a great honor.

I might as well cheering up there next year if I my visa is approved. Sometimes we can try our best, the result won't always match our calculation, I guess Chong Wei has taught me that what most important is how to react over the result.

Nostalgia: The Pain From an Old Wound

2011-08-13T03:17:00.000-07:00

After finished watching the final episode of Mad Men Season 1, The Wheel, I begin to sympathize Don Draper character, or should I just say Dick Whitman? The presentation of the Kodak Slide projector not just amazed the client, but the viewer.

I never know before that Nostalgia in Greek literally means the pain from an old wound. Let me quote what Don Draper best presentation in the whole season:
This device isn't a spaceship, it's a time machine. It goes backwards, forwards. It takes us to a place where we ache to go again. It's not called 'The Wheel', It's called 'The Carousel'. It lets us travel the way a child travels, around and around and back home again, to a place where we know we are loved.

Sometimes I wish I can be like Don Draper, left his past as Dick Whitman. He got a second chance. Everybody deserve a second chance.

What I think I can get from this movie is advertising is an art of thinking. Maybe only someone like Don with all things he's been through could have the brilliant mind in the business. But nowadays you can see advertising are growing so fast with the help of internet. I am curious what Don Draper will think about today's technology.

It all ends..

2011-07-31T07:20:00.000-07:00

So mad and frustrated at first when Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part 2 wasn't played at Indonesia Theaters. But two weeks after the world premiere, finally HP7 final part is played in Indonesia. I can't wait any longer to buy the ticket. I've seen all the series in theater since the third film and as I can remember I've read each of the series of the books at least 2 times since I was 13 (I'm 23 now), so I might not a fanatic but I'm pretty much a fan.

Impressed by the improvements in characterizations of the trio Radcliffe, Grint and Watson, I can say that it's a tough thing when I walk out after watched it because this will be the last time I'll watch Harry Potter in theater. I suddenly can't help to think what will happen to them, and I want to know much more about them in 19 years before the epilogue of the movie.

Many scenes are developed different from the novel but not really change the main plot though I must admit I like the novel more. A little bit disappointed on how they change the way Harry use the elder wand in the end, I like the novel version which describe Harry use it to mend his own wand and put it back to Dumbledore's graveyard instead of the movie which is not clear what happened to the his wand (is he not giving back Malfoy's wand?). But I like how Helena Ravenclaw's cast, Kelly MacDonald, stole the viewer's attention with his emotional small part scene. She also played in Boardwalk Empire which I'd just finished watch it last month.

The kissing scene between Ron and Hermione is, may I say, not clinging up to the expectation, as to all fans who has follow their romance throughout the books know that the version in book is much better. Anyhow, I must say Rupert Grint is lucky can kiss the beautiful Emma! She is really really wonderful and the fact is she is also as smart as Hermione. I think she is the perfect one to portray the character compare to Radcliffe or Grint (in portraying Harry and Ron respectively). One picture from her Burberry campaign:

But I must give two thumbs up for the death scene (where Harry met Dumbledore). The talk, the nuance, it just seems perfect to me. There are some lines, wise lines, I can take from there:
- bemoan not the death ones, bemoan the living ones, especially they who don't know love
- Harry: "it's this real or just happening in my head?"
Dumbledore: "Of course it's happening in your head, but why it should not be real?"

Dumbledore remains me of Gandalf. And speaking of which, comparing Harry Potter series and the trilogy LOTR, I must admit that LOTR still way much better. Not just proven by how well the critical reception especially on the Academy Awards for LOTR. And even this last part of Harry Potter is the best one from all the series and has the highest rating in Rotten Tomatoes but I just read in an article that it won't get any nomination in Academy Award. It's pity.

For me, Harry, Ron and Hermione are such great old friends that sometimes I thought living in my imagination all the way I grown up. Reading the last novel at the first time last four years seems like ending my friendship with them and I really feel sad having no clue how they live their life. I read from Rowling's website how their future's life but I still miss to read the details on how they get to there. So when the last movie finally released, it's completing their journey.

And by the way, in the very first place when they wanted to make Harry Potter into movies, they were considering Steven Spielberg to be the Director before he declined it. Haley Joel Osment will become Harry Potter if Spielberg agreed to be the director although JK Rowling has stated that she want all the casts are British. What so special about Haley Joel Osment in Spielberg's eyes? I think Haley Joel Osment would portray a better Harry than Radcliffe (not that I don't like him, but just speak frankly) because Haley's acting is really good especially on The 6th Sense which made him the 2nd youngest person getting Best Supporting Actor nomination in Academy Awards. I just can't deny the fact that Haley is much more competent. But as the world can see, the lucky boy, Daniel Radcliffe has his own charming way (although I'm not really agree).

Yoris Sebastian in My Eyes

2011-07-27T06:03:00.000-07:00

Sejak kenal dengan Djarum Black Innovation tahun 2007 (waktu itu pemenangnya yang merancang kalamari yaitu sebuah lemari multifungsi), aku menjadi penasaran dengan sosok Yoris Sebastian. Usut di internet baru tahu kalau ternyata Yoris sebastian itu adalah GM termuda seasia dan kedua sedunia..uih...cool..

Sebenarnya yang paling buat aku salut dengan Yoris Sebastian adalah kemampuannya untuk think out of the box, execute inside the box.

Memang sejak lihat hasil-hasil karya di Djarum Black Innovation itu, jiwa inventor yang waktu kecil aku miliki dibangkitkan lagi. Dulu sih karena baca buku penemu-penemu sedunia seperti Thomas Edison, Alexander Graham Bell, Soichiro Honda, Henry Ford, dan banyak lagi buat aku dulu rasanya jadi kepengen seperti itu. Tapi seiring waktu aku jadi terhanyut dengan sistem sekolah dan lupa tuh kalau dulu aku punya impian jadi inventor. Tapi anehnya ada teman sebangku aku yang waktu di SMP dulu yang ingat kalau aku tuh punya cita-cita jadi inventor. dan waktu jumpa tahun 2007 itu dia bilang ke aku, "Tanny...aku percaya dech nanti suatu saat kamu bisa jadi penemu.." lalu aku jawab, "ha? kok bisa kamu bilang gitu?" Aku dalam hati lupa kalau pernah bilang ke dia seperti itu. Dia cuma bilang, "Tanny itu dari dulu orangnya paling kreatif dan sekarang kuliah jurusan teknik kan...biasanya orang teknik itu kan merancang penemuan gitu.."

Gedebak...baru sadar kalau ternyata alam bawah sadar aku itu yang membawa aku memilih jurusan teknik industri. Tapi aku jadi sedikit malu kepada temanku itu, aku ndak seperti itu dech..kreatif gimana..perasaan aku lom menciptakan apa-apa di universitas yang pada waktu itu aku udah masuk ke semester 5.

Ternyata, ndak lama setelah itu, aku berhasil membuat breakthrough di kelas mata kuliah Value engineering. Waktu itu aku dan seorang temanku mengambil mata kuliah semester 7 (ke atas) jadi sekelas dengan senior-senior yang setahun di atas kami. Di kelas itu kita diberi task untuk buat sebuah project yang bisa menambah performance baik dengan meningkatkan value atau menurunkan cost. awalnya aku kebingungan mo buat apa, tapi hampir separuh semester berjalan baru kemudian aku berhasil menemukan ide untuk membuat OHP sederhana. Aku udah pernah membahas project ini di blog sebelumnya. Dosen aku menilai bahwa ide aku itu bagus banget dan pada akhir kuliah cuma aku saja yang berhasil buat prototype (dengan biaya disponsori oleh dosen tersebut). Aku dapat nilai tertinggi di kelas itu. Awalnya aku merasa sedikit bangga ternyata aku bisa merancang sesuatu lebih dari sekedar teori doank. Aku merasa bahwa ternyat aku memang punya jiwa inventor! Lambat laun aku mulai sadar bahwa project yang aku lakukan itu sebenarnya masih jauh dari sempurna. Tapi aku sangat bersyukur, karena dosen bersangkutan menghargai usaha dan pemikiran ku, menurutnya itu adalah sebuah langkah awal yang baik apalagi itu adalah permulaan. Di tahun-tahun berikutnya Dosen itu mengharuskan produk tampil dan aku melihat bahwa ternyata banyak teman-teman dan adik angkatan yang mampu merancang berbagai produk unik. Tapi sayang aku kembali terhanyut arus sistem pendidikan. Aku tidak menggali potensiku untuk menjadi seorang inventor.

Kembali ke Yoris Sebastian. Yoris di mataku adalah enterpreuner yang patut diteladani. Gak banyak anak muda yang bisa berpikir kreatif dan take action on it. Terkadang aku berpikir daripada kerja mengikuti sistem, kenapa tidak seperti Yoris, buat lapangan kerja sendiri. Elegant in our own way. Plusnya kita bisa menekuni pekerjaaan yang kita sukai. Lihat program yang Yoris buat kayak I like monday dan OMG, keren semuanya..

Hari ini tiba-tiba melintas aja di kepalaku kalau seandainya visa aku untuk kuliah di QUB ndak diapprove, tidak berarti duniaku berakhir. Mungkin aku bisa mulai kembali berfokus membangkitkan jiwa inventorku dan belajar menjadi enterpreuner seperti Yoris. Another high dream. It's not a crime to be a dreamer, as long as you keep on pursuing it. I'm on my way.

Inspiring People

2011-07-26T05:25:00.000-07:00

Whenever I feel down, I always try to look at the pictures of inspiring people which I save in my iphone. These people/characters have great influence in my life, because their attitude in living their life has changed and motivated me to make my life better.

1. Oprah Winfrey

World's claimed her as the only black billionaire. Listed 9 times on Time 100. A woman that came from nothing to rise up to be the most powerful woman. It's a privilege for me to know one of the most influential women on earth, Oprah Winfrey.

This picture shows Oprah with one of the most inspiring guest in Oprah Winfrey Show, Mattie Stepanek. Mattie has been battling with a rare form of muscular dystrophy, which claimed the lives of his three siblings and was threatening his own life, with an amazing spirit. He used his incredible gift of insight to write poetry he called "Heartsongs," extending hope to people of all ages.

Mattie hadn't yet reached his 14th birthday when he passed away on June 22, 2004, but he made an immeasurable impact on the world in his lifetime and even to Oprah. He is the one who wrote a letter to Oprah and suggested her to end her show at 25th, not 20th (Oprah's planning on to end her show at 20th that time). This is just one of many examples of how Oprah winfrey Show has great impact, not just for American, but to whole over the world.

As many people already know about Oprah's past, she experienced considerable hardship during her childhood, claiming to be raped at age nine and becoming pregnant at 14; her son died in infancy, and a lot of hard times during the process of her life before he turned up to be a wonderful person, and may I say, an angel.

Watching Oprah with all her charity activities, her compassion, and her attitude in living the best life and how to help others to live to their best life, made me want to do something better with my life. I can see that people love her because she can walk out from dark times and become a light to others life.

2. Randy Pausch

When I watched the video of Randy Pausch giving his famous "Last Lecture" at Carnegie Mellon, I can't help but cry at the moment when his wife come up to hug him after he made a birthday surprise for her in the middle of the talk. Later I found out in the book that she actually said "please don't die" to him when they hugged. I was touched.

To most people, Randy's last lecture has changed their way in living their life. So do I. There are many lessons I take from the talk.
- Brickwalls are there not to keep us out, but to show us how badly we want something.
- If you live your life properly, the dreams will come to you
- it's a choice of being a tiger or an eye-ore (Randy's dying but he chose to become tiger)

In the end, he said that the talk isn't for the public, but actually he dedicated it to his 3 little children, hoping when they're older can understand it. It's a gift that he left because he knew he can't be there for them. I guess Randy is a good husband and a good father. The way he treated others and the way he chose to use the time of his life that left had been so amazing...I think there will be soon a movie about him. I'll definitely buy the ticket.

3. Bill Gates

Number one on Forbes list of The World Richest People from 1995 to 2007 and 2009. In 1999, his wealth briefly surpassed $101 billion, causing the media to call him a "centibillionaire".

Who doesn't know this guy?? Bill Gates, the best-known entrepreneurs of the personal computer revolution!

He also has been donating large amounts of money to various charitable organizations and scientific research programs through the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation established in 2000, so I can't imagine if there will be anyone in this world cannot take a bow on him.

Gates also proved that you don't need to be a good student with good marks to become a successful person. And his rebellion by dropping out from Harvard kinda give me inspiration that we don't need to stick on the rule. However I guess Bill Gates achievements can't be deny already made him one of the most admiring person on earth.

4. Steve Jobs

I will say he is an elegant man. Our life style has changed when Steve Jobs introduced Ipod. I'm proud having Iphone at my pocket because this device is a symbol of elegance in simplicity.

Steve Jobs is a symbol of Apple company. Without him, Apple won't become like nowadays. And also Pixar that produce such a great anime with a wonderful story behind it such as Toy Story (1,2, and 3), Finding Nemo, and my favourite one: Up!

In mid-2004, Jobs announced to his employees that he had been diagnosed with a pancreas tumor. Great to heard that he finally successfully remove the tumor on an operation that year too. Later in 2009 he also had a heart transplant.

Steve Jobs has been an inspiration for me to challenge the impossible things. And also to made me believe that sometimes the best thing is the simple one.

5. Aaron Ralston

I never finish watching I-127. I don't have a courage to watch James franco (portraying Aaron Ralston) begin to amputate his lower arm with a dull knife. Such a pain. I can't imagine if I was the one. The movie in avi format is still remain in my laptop, I never open it again.

So, I just read the story line on internet. What a coward.

By reading Aaron Ralston's fight to escape from the situation, I am so impressed by his spirit. It hammered me right on my head that we shouldn't give up easily on anything we do to reach our goal. Aaron might stop and just give up, but he choose not to be like that even it means he need to lose part of his body to escape from the blunder. It encourage me to do more, and don't stop in the middle of your fight. Be a true fighter, because Aaron still climb mountains after that accident, it's his life. And I want to be like that too.

6. Liz Murray

From homeless to Harvard. Inspiring woman that if I have ten thumbs I would give it all to her.

I know her many years ago from Oprah Winfrey Show. Her story really amazing. It will live up the dreams of poor people and anyone who has drug addicted parents.

Though I'm neither in the conditions above, but I thought Liz Murray achievement has effected me as well as the the first time Neil Armstrong put his first step on the moon. Dreaming high is not a crime or shame thing for me anymore. Liz has proved it. And I realized that American efforts putting lot of money on the project bringing man to the moon instead using it to help poor people is not a false thing anymore because it lives up dream, it gave effect to the world that we can dream as high as we can.

Maybe Liz feel the same. I don't know. All I know is she's been one of my motivation to go to QUB!

7. Zhu Ge Liang

First time read about Zhu geliang from a book store, in chinese wisdom section, and I reckon that I just fall in love with this character. Calm, clever, collected and very wise.

His reputation as an intelligent and the cleverest military strategist even while he was living in relative seclusion, earning him the nickname "Wolong" (臥龍; literally: "Crouching Dragon"). He also known as Kong Ming (孔明).

I like to read many stories about him like borrowing arrows with straw boats that prove his knowledge at predicting the weather, also when he wisely get rid of Zhou yu by praying the eastern wind that actually is a head fake because he already predicted it. The empty fort strategy, the two choice road he left for cao cao, and even after his death, he can con Shimayu by telling his troops to make a remake of him from woods and carry it with carriage so Shimayu will still think he's alive.

No doubt he is the clever one. But what I respect most of him is he choose to serve Liu Bei, the weakest leader at the time. I think he is wise because he know only Liu Bei that really care about his people.

I once read about how he came up with a hand fan made from crane feathers and a Tao robe. It's a remembrance of his fault during his time when he studied with his teacher up in a mountain. Even zhugeliang can make mistake. And that reminds me that mistake is something natural, as long as you keep it in mind, don't make it twice.

8. Forrest Gump

How can I forget this character? Forrest Gump is the best character I've ever read or watch in the movie!

Life is a box of chocolate, you'll never know what you'll gonna get.

I'm so glad that Tom Hanks finally is chosen to portray Forrest because at first, they are considering to cast Bill Murray.

It's a fictional character, but truly inspire me in a way. Especially the movie, when Forrest telling his experiences to Jenny. It sums up everything.

I always wonder if I can get a life like him, instead of whining and complaining, he keeps on running, facing everything with a straight heart. It occurs to me that we need to accept everything, make the best out of everything we are in. So here I am. Bringing a spirit from Forrest, hoping someday when I look back, I can say it like Forrest, Life's really like a box of chocolate. That's a nice quote. And this is the best movie in my heart, forever!!!

Impossible is Nothing

2011-07-21T20:04:00.000-07:00

Waktu kecil dulu pernah ada yang cerita ke aku cerita tentang seekor katak yang melegenda, gini nih ceritanya..

Di sebuah desa baru saja dipasang sebuah tiang. Ada sekumpulan katak di desa itu yang begitu gembira dengan kehadiran tiang ini. Masalahnya karena katak itu kan kecil, jadi selama ini dunia yang mereka kenal itu hanya yang sebatas ketinggian mereka yang cuma berapa centi itu.. Kehadiran tiang membuat peluang mereka melihat bagian dunia yang lain terbuka, karena semakin tinggi kamu berdiri maka semakin banyak yang bisa kamu lihat. Lalu pada malam hari katak-katak ini pun mulai mencoba mendaki tiang yang terletak pas di tengah desa itu. Beberapa katak yang sudah dewasa mencoba beberapa kali namun tetap saja gagal, lalu anak-anak katak lainnya mendapat giliran mencoba, tapi tetap saja gagal, bahkan mereka tidak sanggup mendaki lebih dari ketinggian mereka. Akhirnya selama 1 jam berikutnya, katak-katak itu mulai menyerah, satu per satu mulai kembali ke habitatnya. Nah, pada waktu itu muncullah seeekor katak muda, ia melompat dengan semangatnya tanpa menghiraukan katak-katak sekelilingnya yang frustasi dan merasa bahwa mendaki tiang bagi katak adalah hal mustahil. Katak muda ini terus saja melompat dan menggenggam tiang dengan kedua kaki dan tangannya yang begitu pendek. Dari wajahnya tampak semangat yang begitu menggelora seakan-akan bulan yang bersinar di atas tiang itu memantul tepat di wajahnya. Para katak yang lain meneriaki dia untuk berhenti karena sia-sia saja katak tidak akan bisa sampai ke tiang itu. Namun katak muda ini tidak menghiraukan mereka, dia terus saja berfokus mendaki tiang itu. Para katak lain pun kehabisan energi menyuruhnya berhenti dan akhirnya mereka meninggalkan katak muda itu sendirian berkutat mendaki tiang itu. Mereka berbisik keras bahwa sampai seratus tahun pun katak muda ini tidak akan bisa sampai di atas tiang. Mereka pulang beristirahat dan bertaruh bahwa besok pagi katak muda ini akan tidur kecapekan di samping tiang. Akhirnya ketika matahari terbit keesokan harinya, katak-katak tidak berpikiran untuk melihat hasil perjuangan katak muda yang bandel karena dalam benak mereka semua katak muda itu melakukan hal yang impossible. Tapi yang terjadi sungguhlah luar biasa. Katak muda yang berjuang semalaman ditemani tiang dan bulan ini berhasil mewujudkan impian seluruh katak di dunia, melihat dunia dari tempat yang jauh lebih tinggi. Ketika seekor katak melewati tiang itu dan melihat katak muda di atas tiang duduk dengan wajah tersenyum menikmati pemandangan yang begitu luas untuk seekor katak, berita pun tersebar dan semua katak berkumpul di bawah tiang, bertepuk tangan dan menarik kembali semua kata-kata yang mereka lontarkan sebelumnya. Katak muda itu pun turun perlahan beberapa jam kemudian dan semua katak memberi selamat dan menanyakan bagaimana ia melakukannya. Katak muda itu hanya tersenyum bangga melewati mereka tanpa berkata sepatah kata pun. Akhirnya salah satu katak muda lain berkata bahwa katak muda yang berhasil mendaki tiang itu ternyata katak yang tuli. Semua katak terperanjat dan tidak bisa berkata-kata. Andai saja katak itu tidak tuli, mampukah ia sampai ke atas?

Cerita ini tampak simple dan sedikit tidak menarik ya kalo dicompare dengan cerita seperti putri salju, cinderella atau cerita dongeng lainnya. Tapi makna cerita ini begitu mendalam khususnya buat saya. Cerita ini membuat saya selalu mengingat dalam hati saya kalau terkadang dalam usaha kita meraih impian kita, we don't need to hear about people saying about the impossible in realizing it, because impossible is nothing! Mungkin kita perlu belajar menjadi tuli sesaat. Karena dunia ini bekerja dengan satu gaya lain selain gaya gravitasi yaitu gaya menjilat. Saat kita memperjuangkan sesuatu yang orang lain gagal mewujudkannya, orang lain akan mengatakan bahwa kita useless, tapi saat kita berhasil orang lain akan mengatakan bahwa anda hebat. Tidak semua orang, tapi common people especially those who never take a good education.

Beberapa hari ini lagu Whitney Houston dan Mariah Carey "when you believe" terus aja aku nyanyikan di kepalaku. Sounds cliche, but the truth is when you experience it by yourself, you just can't deny there is something almighty working on. As a Buddhist, I believe in meditating, focusing one thing in your mind can make it real happen because our mind is a form of energy. It's not working like magic but believing in it making you walk towards your thought and in unexplainable way, you already in the motion of making your thought come true.

It's inside our mind, focusing in it will make it clear so we can act on it.

Currently I'm on my way making my dream come true. 63 more days before my flight to Belfast with one condition: visa approval (40 days from now). Every possibility is there. And as my good friend that I always call Mr. Gandalf said to me: having the feeling like you already have your dream is exciting and should keep it in mind but remember you can't take control of everything so you should be ready for every possibility and if you really want to be happy, just try to accept everything that happened and make the best out of it. In other way: always look at the bright side.

I suddenly realize I've changed so much since the last time when I graduated from high schol 6 years ago. I can see I'm more mature now, I dare to take risky decision and more than everything I have a better point of view now. But still, there are lot of things I need to learn. If I can travel with Doraemon's time machine, I will go to my future and say to myself in the future: "keep it in your mind, impossible is nothing, move forward for whatever happened and make the best out of it" I'll say that because I know that even my dream going to Belfast come true, I still have many other dreams I want to achieve. Everything seems impossible and that's make me exciting to make it come true. And if I go there and meeting myself in the future not in Belfast, I know taht I need to move on and try a different route but still go to same place, like the old man say: there are many ways to Rome and Rome is not built in one day.

From USU to QUB

2011-07-05T19:13:00.000-07:00

I got it! I got it! I got it! The queen's university of Belfast scholarship!!!!!

The moment I received the email confirmation, I just can't believed it! I'm still working on the visa. Hope everything will be okay as I don't know the visa will be approved or not, but so far I believed I'd proved to myself I can seize the opportunity studying overseas. Money is another thing.

I met the ambassador of Queen's last night on a pre departure dinner gathering, his name is Simon Iley, he is very nice and I was surprised we can talk about almost everything, because he also read many novels and our favorites are same, like the page turning Dan Brown's novel from Digital Fortress to The Last Symbol, the law novel by John Grisham, Harry Potter, The Hobbit and many more. We also discussed about some movies. Well, so far I guess we have many things in common though he is different in skin and eye colour with me.

I remember the process I've been through in my undergraduate study at USU. Well, it will be fantastic for me to experience a different one, the world class university like Queen's. Looking back to my past, it's really a breakthrough. But I still have to wait for another 2 months until I make my very first step to Belfast. Just wish everything will be fine.

The new adidas slogan "impossible is nothing" really has a great impact on me. I need to move on with my life with that slogan because whatever happen; no matter it's raining in the middle of the journey, no matter how many bends on the roads that I've to take, no matter how many times I failed or feeling this world unfair, it's a process of making a better person inside myself.

One more step.

Back to Forrest Gump Again

2011-06-08T08:08:00.000-07:00

I started this blog more than 3 years ago with a story of Forrest Gump. After going through some things, like finishing my study at University, having less than 9 months working experience, and made an almost two months trip to Singapore, I realized that all this time, I've been trying to live a colorful life like Forrest Gump. Unfortunately, I end up feeling frustrated with what I have right now. I'm not as close as Forrest.

The journey and not the destination is important. I believe I told myself ton of motivation lines like that. And I still cannot feel contented with my life. Or still wondering what is the thing that I really want to do? I become someone who's trying to look at this world in the negative ways because it doesn't work out on me. I question myself: what was I born for?

How worse it could be from this point on? How worse? Forrest Gump never complained about anything that happened in his life, even he is born as an imbecile. He only believed in God and his mom. He lives his life with a straight heart and whatever the road takes him, he just run for it. Well, I just a good spectator then. Only can watch the movie and take lesson from it, but never once in my life I make it real. I want to scream out loud "what the hell is goin on??". I just want to pack my bag and take another trip to another part of this world, maybe I figured it out there. Get my feet on again, recharge my energy again.

Seems like the fighter spirit inside me want to roar up. Hey...you can start everywhere anytime..you have it all..it just a matter of timing and a little bit luck that you need, but just keep on going..keep on going..because whenever you thought this isn't right, the success is just around the corner.

Forrest said: life is just like a box of chocolate, you'll never know what you're gonna get.
I said: life is just like a cup of coffee, you'll get the perfect taste by mixing sweet and bitter.

I read a story about a session in a 5 years old kids class. The teacher ask a question: what is the biggest thing in this world? one kid said: my father is the biggest. Another said: no..no..elephant is the biggest. Another one said: totally wrong, it's mountain. And then a little girl said: my eyes are the biggest one. The teacher become hesitate and then ask the little girl: how can it be?? She said: because everything said before can be seen by my eyes, so if my eyes can load anyone's father, elephant and mountain, my eyes are the biggest one.

Innocent or..simply just a prove that we should think like a child in one way?? But the real answer I think it's not the eyes. But the mind. Because mind can see things that eyes can and cannot see.

I certainly disappointed with my condition right now. But, there's always but, I know I'm making progress and I do have plans to realize in near future. All I need are like I said before..timing and little bit luck. And I can see in my mind, life that I want to live in.

And I will write it down on this blog, maybe some readers that feel his/her life suck will think: if sucker like this blog's writer can do it..why I can't??

The Mentalist Finale

2011-05-20T21:28:00.000-07:00

What word could exactly describe the feeling after watching the mentalist Finale 'strawberries and cream'? Terrify? Creepy? Awesome? Fantastic? I don't know...what I know it's when the real Red John answer the phone, my heart keep beating so hard that I almost can hear the rhythm.

It's a perfect ending scene. The chat, the style, and when Red John proves that he is the true murderer of Jane's wife and daughter by revealing details about them that only the killer would have known (notably that his daughter smelled like sweat, and strawberries and cream), I barely hold my breath. When Jane shot (with a Max winter's gun hidden in his pocket), it was like me sitting in the mall in the movie watching them and shocked as well as other people there. The very end scene when Jane sitting down to finish his tea really catchy, I love calm collected clever man like Patrick Jane, not mentioned about his humors and noble acts. I just can say..finally..glad this series don't have to made the lovers wait and curious till bore like watching Detective Conan.

But a little bit dissatisfaction because cannot see how the other guys doing at the end, it's gonna be told at season 4 maybe?? Who knows..

After all, I really really really love this episode, the best and meet its climax.

Invictus

2011-05-15T06:23:00.000-07:00

A week left in Singapore. I'm still waiting for a good news, but I have time limit here. I just want to accept myself and keep on moving, there is nothing I can blame on this situation. Another chapter, which I thought would be a long-interesting-colorful one ends up with a little bit dissatisfaction. I try to look at the bright side. I see another part of this world and my eyes are open now, I am just a little girl in a big big world. At least, I experienced some happy moments here.

It all fall down on me now, funny to think how it's so easy to bring the negative thoughts. Our mind's really like a magnet. But why it won't work if I keep on thinking about getting a job? Maybe life want to teach me what TS Eliot said: The journey and not the target is important.

So, I began to think of those people who are struggling in worse situation than me, I read Happiness in Hard Times by Andrew Matthews and The Alchemist by Paul Coelho, and also trying to find any inspiration anywhere..then..it just appeared in my head, Invictus.

Invictus (Latin for 'Unconquered'), a poem that was written in 1875 and first published in 1883 in William Ernest Henley's Book of Verses, where it was the fourth in a series of poems entitled Life and Death (Echoes). It originally bore no title.

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gait,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

In the 2009 movie Invictus, produced and directed by Clint Eastwood, the poem is referred to several times. It becomes the central inspirational gift from Mandela, played by Morgan Freeman to Springbok rugby team captain Francois Pineaar played by Matt Damon.

I watched the movie already, the last two lines are really strong. For now, I just can say I feel glad can have a chance to experience all these things.

Waiting For Good News

2011-05-10T07:33:00.000-07:00

I got another interview last Friday. Already give my best shot, worries won't help things better for me, as the decision will still have to wait for the company's considerations. Just say if I failed, I got an experience to be interviewed in a huge company is such a wonderful thing instead. And if they give me the job, I just can imagine my heart will filled with joy bubbles..
For time being, still applying job, but I took my free time yesterday to Jurong Bird Park and today to Clarke Quay (trying the cruise). I witnessed the changing sky in the riverside. Sunset is such a wonderful thing, remind me that a day already passed, how is my progress so far??

I read Happiness in Hard Times by Andrew Matthews in Kinokuniya a few days ago, it helped me to see a different point of view in hard times, just like the way I am right now. It also told the stories of people who's been struggling in hard times, how their life seems ruin, but they manage to overcome it and live a happy life, some of them even have a very bad condition which made me realize, I'm not the only one, and they are a lot of people who's having a worse condition than me.

So, I decided to accept myself and keep on moving with what I have. I'll let go all those uneasy feelings that burdened me. Next places I'll go are Singapore zoo & Night Safari, Sentosa Resort, and finally The Universal Studio. :)

So much for a dream...

2011-05-03T04:39:00.000-07:00

I visited Raffles Place and Marina bay just now. Took some pictures of nice buildings there. I sense Singapore's really a good place for workaholic. In the middle of the competitive environment, yet can find such a beautiful view.

When I look again to the pics, for a moment it just pops up in my mind, it will be too much for my dream if I can work in any office in the building there.

After the interview at Joo Koon (where the place is a little bit like Kawasan Industri Medan), I am a little bit depressed because it ain't like what my estimation would be. So I'm trying to find a more suitable job now which I begin to doubt I can get one. The thing is I just lost faith in myself. Nobody will give a shit about what happened in the process, only the output/result matters. It's like no one will care about 99% of Soichiro Honda's failure, 1% of his Success is what people talk nowadays.

Happened to read this in the art science museum. Nice quote from Albert Einstein.

Some of my friends might think I am just wasting many things here: time, money, et cetera..only those my close friends who really support me will understand my decision coming here.

It's experience. And even I don't get anything after all, at least I gave my best shot. I dare to take risk and dare to bear all the consequences. It's my life. And it's me who live in it. And I myself who experience what Albert Einstein said, " it's the most beautiful thing to experience something mysterious ". For me, it's Singapore, the city that I dreamed for such a long time to go, and finally here I am, although it's just a social visit, and perhaps I won't get the employment pass, I finally here. And that has made all the differences.

...the story continues

2011-04-28T19:55:00.000-07:00

I don't know whether I should happy or sad for being here. Said it thousand times to myself that this is just the beginning of my story. Anyone could have opinion about me, but most of everything, it's me, myself, that really live in it.

I ignore my friends in Facebook just because I'm not ready to tell them about my condition here, I'm so afraid they will bring me down with their words. What kind of person am I??

I watched 草山春晖, a true story of a Taiwanese family, 高家. Somehow I envy the brothers and sisters in the story, they had a wise grandpa so they were raised with words of wisdom, such a good foundation of a life. And their parents, a super saving mom and a diligent dad, become their inspiration in daily life. I especially love the story about the third son: 高明善, the most successful one. He is clever, straight, and sharp visionary. Everyone think he is Mr. Perfect until he broke down after being cheated on the wall street. Turned out he is just a normal human being, he also can cry, also can be stressed out and figure out that he is a greedy man just like we all are. There is one scene in the movie, where he said to himself that his hands grab many things that he is not willing to let go until he woke up and finally realized, anyone come to this world with nothing in hands (两手空空), so basically there is nothing to lose.

There are so many good things in this movie. I also praised 高明善's wife for being such an ideal wife that most of the man in this world would want one. It's so touching when she said to his husband how she think that his downfall is a good thing to wake him up and changed him into a better person, to shut down his proud and make him cool down.

I can't sleep well every night since the interview. Watching movies somehow keep me away to think of that day. The salary they offered didn't close to my estimation. I'm desperated finding job here, although my friend's sister offer me a job at the property company, it's just not fit to my background. Still few weeks left for my Singapore hunting job time limit, and I promised to give them the answer next Friday, while my heart already 90 % said won't take it.

I don't know how to describe my feelings right now. Feeling motivated by the books I read or movies I watched, but scare about not getting the opportunity. Back to Indonesia with shame and haunted by unknown future really scary. I know my family will be there for me, but..but..but...I won't feel contented with my life.

Writing blog here just want to post my thoughts, somehow in the future when I lean back, I can see how crazy I am. After all, this is an experience.

Still not over yet...write again soon...while I still have a heart for it.

An Interview, An Appointment, An Unknown Future

2011-04-21T05:10:00.000-07:00

I'm so happy to get a call for an interview today. Yatta..^^

Monday, 25th April 2011, 3pm. Like waiting for a date, I can't wait to meet the interviewer. Maybe I will go crazy saying to the interviewer: "Hi...thank you so much for calling me up..I love Singapore". But I also worry about many things. What if..what if...what if...

Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want. That's Randy Pausch said. It's because I'm a book worm so I feel like living in the story that I read..it's fascinating thing to experience it..our own story. I'm grateful for what I've been through, although it's not as perfect as rich people, I'm felling rich inside by all the books I read.

I can't tell how hard it is for me to come to this point. The thing is not just what can other see from outside, but what I've been struggled with my own thoughts inside. And it's not over yet. I'm just starting the story I guess..

I'm glad for being called for the interview, it's an appointment with an unknown future. The interesting thing here is I feel that I've succeeded making a step closer to my dream. Won't know how is the result, but whatever it is, it's better than not being called at all.

Well..here I am..and the life goes on...

to be continued..

A Dream, A City, and A hope

2011-04-09T22:30:00.000-07:00

Some people will think I'm crazy, stupid crazy perhaps. Giving up on my job for a ridiculous excuse that not everyone's brain can well digest, then take a very hustle decision to move to a big city with a very competitive environment, looking for another job opportunity.

It's been two weeks in Singapore. But even I'm a stranger, this city seems very friendly. I never scare to go out even at night. I realized Singapore is a very well managed city compare to Medan, especially the transportation. It's my very first experience taking the MRT and the bus. it's really convenient.

Chinatown was my first place to stay. Two days later, I already moved to Ang Mo Kio Ave 10. I got part time job for time being at Toa Payoh, while I still trying to find a proper job, waiting for any interviews or call to accept me. But I can't help to worry that it's really hard to get into any company here with my qualification. Just realized I'm underdog here.

I don't feel contented with my life. I come with a dream. A dream that only myself can see. When I walk at the road, I think to myself, how nice this city is, when I'm sitting in the MRT, I think to myself, how convenient the transportation is, when I look at the apartment or HDB, I think to myself, the facilities are amazing especially the WIFI, and when I see a family eating at the restaurant, I can't help to think how nice it would be if I can get a job and have a life in here. It's a country of hope, Singapore.

Sun Zi said that one need to understand themselves and need to understand the enemy as well to win a war. So, I tried to analyze myself. I'm a little bit ashamed of myself. I don't have what it takes, and coming here to find a job is one in million chance. Why did I take this step? I'm bored with my life in Medan and Pakam, it sucks. I really need a fresh environment just for a little while to see the world. Is that a crime? No. Is that stupid? Some people will say yes. In here, I learn so much from the experiences. And please forgive me for thinking that my life would be so much different if I went to university here many years ago. All I have is a hardworking attitude and want-to-learn spirit. That's my weapon, and it's a weak one. Singapore's companies need talents with many years experience, and they need to find top of the top. So, basically I'm just hoping a miracle.

Sometime ago I write that I hate the word "wish". And yes, until now I still hate that word. My wise friend will tell me 'it's a matter of a little luck and a commitment'. Okay, so it's a free advise and the fact that it's only cause some pain in my heart which I begin to get used to, I will wish.

I wish I can get a job here and begin a journey of my life here. I'll work hard because that's the only weapon I have.

Meanwhile, I've taken some photos at the National Public Library which so much differences compare to Indonesia's libraries I've visited. Somehow it made me jealous, wouldn't it be good if I studied in this place...

A picture can tell a million words. So, I think I've said what I want to say by the pictures.

I went to Science Centre too last week, take a look at the photos.

Nice place for students and also for parents to introduce the excitements learning the physic to children. I also watched the 3D I-max movie. Indonesia should make one soon.

Still haven't go to other places. Plan to go East coast next week.

A Boxing Story of My Own

2011-03-26T07:37:00.000-07:00

I didn't understand why boxing is called sport because the picture in my mind keep telling me sport is activity that makes us healthy, while boxing seems like two fighters trying to hurt each other, end up with bruise faces (some even get to go to hospital for serious injuries).

As time goes by, I find myself realize that our mind is designed to be taught by experiences of life to reach its wisdom. I figured out from some boxing movies and some boxing articles that actually boxing is more than only sport, boxing is more about life. And I was wrong all this time.

Whenever someone beat you badly on the ring, only those boxers with high spirit would want to get back and give another punch. It's the same with life. Everyone must experienced been beaten down by life, and only those people with a brave heart can get up and fight back. It's not a matter of win or lose, but the spirit inside boxing, a spirit to try to get up and punch back is something worth to praise. That's something that I had to learn about. Looking to boxing now, I see it just the same like two samurai fights with honor.

Everything in boxing is backwards. You want to move to the right, must push your left toe, want to move to the left, you use your right toe. Instead of running from the pain that sane person will do, a boxer will step into it. And the best way to deliver a punch is step back. So, boxing is an unnatural act. Now that I see it, boxing is about respect, like the Samurai does, a true winner is they who win fair and square.

I'm 23 years old by now. I already resigned, officially 2 weeks ago. And here I am, gambling my life with a decision to go to Singapore (tomorrow), looking for a better opportunity. How do I feel? Well, I'm quite afraid, because this is the first time I go abroad. A little bit exciting to have a new little adventure, but more than everything, I want to write a boxing story of my own.

Whatever the result may occult, getting a job or not, I just want to keep fighting like a respectful boxer. I can see it might be a tough time I'll have in future, but I don't want to worry too much, just focus to what I can do now, it's how to optimize myself and to catch the opportunities in a good way. And I can see now, I'm stepping back for giving a good punch to this life. I hope I can do it. And you know as well as the Pandora Box story, one thing that left after it's been open is: Hope.

There is a good friend of mine, far away in Germany, wishing me all the best luck and keep supporting by sharing his experiences and lot of advices, and I do feel relieved and much more spirited by reading his messages. All I can say is Thank You, I'm glad having a friend like him.

So, tomorrow I'll enter a new chapter of my life. Saying goodbye to my old days is a little bit sad.

It's really weird tough, an unforgettable song: 吻别 by Jacky Cheung sounds like a good theme for this moment. I love to hear that song. And I just downloaded a guitar version of that song from youtube.com; want to post here cause this song remains no.1 in my heart since the first time I heard it (I think I was just about 14 or 15). Enjoy it.

Ken Soetanto

2011-01-25T08:16:00.000-08:00

Dari Kick Andy, aku mengenal Ken Soetanto. My first impression: he is really inspiring. Kisah dan semangat hidup Proffesor yang meraih 4 gelar doctor dari cabang ilmu yang berbeda ini sungguh luar biasa. Most of all, what makes me impressed is he did it from zero.

Perjuangan hidupnya sebagai anak yatim piatu, mulai dari ditutupnya sekolah Tionghua (tahun 1965), bekerja di toko reparasi alat elektronik kakaknya, dan bagaimana ia mulai tertarik dengan desain engineering yang pada akhirnya membuat dia memutuskan untuk menuntut ilmu ke Jepang. Dengan berbagai hambatan, bukan hanya uang saja, tetapi juga masalah mental karena kakaknya sempat menentang, "masa orang yang tamatan sarjana ingin menjadi majikan, sedang kamu majikan malah ingin belajar??" begitu kira-kira yang disampaikan sang kakak. Tetapi dia tetap saja pergi meski tidak tahu bahasa Jepang dan akhirnya malah harus belajar dulu disana selama kurang lebih 3 tahun agar bisa mahir berbahasa Jepang. Pada usianya yang 26, ia baru menjadi mahasiswa (jurusan electronics di Tokyo University of Agriculture and Technology) dikelilingi oleh teman-teman setingkatnya yang semua berusia 18-19 tahun. Mengatasi masalah mental ini, Ken Soetanto secara tidak langsung telah menginspirasi orang-orang yang membaca riwayat hidupnya (salah satunya adalah aku) bahwa, asal ada kemauan, nothing is impossible.

Ketika toko kakaknya terbakar dan sang kakak mengatakan tidak mampu lagi membiayai hidupnya, ia bersikeras untuk menyelesaikan studinya dengan berbagai cara. Termasuk memperkecil pengeluaran dan mengajar privat bahasa Indonesia. Akhirnya ia lulus dan berhasil meraih beasiswa untuk melanjutkan S-3 hingga akhirnya berhasil meraih gelar Doktor.

Tapi negara Jepang memang adalah negara yang begitu ketat persaingannya, gelar Dokter tidak menjamin masa depan yang gemilang disana. Berikut kutipan Ken Soetanto mengenai kehidupannya setelah meraih gelar Doktor pertamanya:

I had already passed 34 years old by then, and was unable find a job in Japan. I could not give up on my dream of finding work here however, so in order to increase my employability, I worked like mad and obtained another doctorate. I had now earned two PhDs, but even then I was not recognized; to work so hard living in Japan for 14 years and still not be able to find work really put me at a loss. I decided at that point to rediscover my life; if Japan was impossible then this time I figured America was my only option. So at 38, leaving my three young children behind, I decided to have a go in the US scientific world, which I knew absolutely nothing about. With a spirit to ‘go for broke’, I decided to gamble my life one more time. Fortunately, I found a university that would recognize my talents, and was able to obtain my dream job as a teacher. I taught there for five years, but returned to Japan upon receiving an invitation from one of my old teachers at the Tokyo Institute of Technology, Professor Okujima.

Keseluruhannya, Ken Soetanto berhasil meraih gelar PhD di bidang aplikasi rekayasa elektronika dari Tokyo Institute of Technology (1985), PhD di bidang kedokteran dari Universitas Tohoku (1988), kemudian gelar Doktor ilmu farmasi dari Science University of Tokyo (2000), dan Doktor ilmu pendidikan dari Universitas Waseda (2003). Bahkan dari pengembangan interdisipliner dari keempat ilmu yang dikuasainya, Soetanto telah menghasilkan 29 paten di Jepang dan dua paten di Amerika Serikat.

Sebenarnya kisah hidup Ken Soetanto yang panjang semuanya sangatlah menginspirasi bila dilihat dari achievements yang telah ia peroleh sekarang, tetapi saya tidak bisa menuliskannya secara detail. Saya berharap sekali memenangkan kuis undian Kick Andy berhadiah buku "Ubah Orang Buangan menjadi Rebutan" yang ditulis Ken Soetanto yang berisi tentang Soetanto Effects (cara mengajar yang ia terapkan).

Mengenal sosok Ken Soetanto seakan membangkitkan semangat saya untuk tidak begitu saja menyerah ketika menghadapi persoalan hidup. Like Ken Soetanto said: there is no greatness without suffering.

I realized for a moment, I'm just a coward, how can I ask more if I can't stand any pain, isn't the diamond made by a long and suffering process??

Random Things

2010-12-18T08:47:00.003-08:00

After months of mind struggling with the first working experience, finally back to roots again, surfing the internet and find out nice song from Rod Stewart, old one though, from his Soulbook 2008 album. Title is "wonderful world"
It's cover song (originally sing by Sam Cooke). But his voice and the soul rock music really deserved world acknowledgment.
The lyrics is great..makes me wonder if there will be someone singing this song for me..hehe..

I don't know much about history
Don't know much biology
Don't know much about the science books
Don't know much about the French I took

All I do know is I love you
And I wonder if you love me too
What a wonderful world this could be

I don't know much about geography
Don't know much trigonometry
Don't know much about algebra
Don't know what a slide rule is for

But I do know one and one is two
And I wonder if you love me too
Oh, what a wonderful world this could be

Now I don't claim to be an 'A' student
But that's what I'm trying to be
But by being an 'A' student, baby
I could win your love for me

I don't know much about history
I don't know much about biology
I don't know much about the science book
I don't know much about the French I took

All I know is that I love you
And I wonder if you love me too
Oh, what a wonderful world this could be

All I know is that I love you
And I wonder if you love me too
Oh, what a wonderful world this could be

It's a wonderful world
It's a wonderful world
It's a wonderful world
What a wonderful world
What a wonderful world

Instead of music, I'm crazy downloading movie and TV show. The one that really impressed me right now is The Mentalist. Would be really nice if the puzzle can be solved quickly, the mysterious serial killer Red John really made the fans thrilled, especially after his appearance on the finale season 2. I haven't downloaded the season 3, but I read a little about it in the net, found out about what happened to Kristina Frye. So sad, and somehow I just got the feeling that the director want to prolong the series by keep leaving riddles.

Simon Baker nailed the character. I love Patrick Jane's charming ability with all his arrogant annoying behavior.

Enough for the entertainment. Back to reality. I'm going back to hometown just a few hours ago for celebrating a friend's birthday. A special thing about little town like Lubuk Pakam, you can always have fun in simple things just by gathering friends eating in small cafe. Something that some rich people in big town would never put in eyes. We chat a lot tonight. Mostly about our friends who's getting married one by one. I start to think to myself, we all have grown up, life's really tough as we have to think to take a step like getting married.

Another thing also pop in my mind tonight. Money. People see nothing but result. the problem is what if oneself exert to the maximum and still getting a bad result. What should we do? Blaming destiny? I can feel like everything I read and see becoming reality in some kind of ways I can't explain. But for now, all is about money. There's nothing about progress or the good mission behind the acts, it's about how you optimized actions so you could gain more money. Any excuses can be made as long as you can get money.

Looking from the point I stand for now, I am just a skeptic who's afraid of taking decision. I am a dreamer who don't know how to pursue for it. And I am so sick to think negatively about myself. It won't help.

Well, at least I do know my limit. Again, for another hundred times, I want to be a better person each and every day. And with the little portion of luck I have, I'll do my best. One day I will feel contented with my life.

A Commitment

2010-12-04T05:00:00.000-08:00

Five months and 12 days of my first working experience at one of the largest palm oil company in Indonesia, Asian Agri, had made me realize I haven't really decide what kind of person I want to be. To be honest to myself, my work just don't defines me at all. Not even close to my expectation. I am an industrial engineering graduation, and sitting down there at the trading department in Asian Agri doesn't made me feels like I was supposed to be there, I am not enjoying myself and not enthusiastic of my job. I just can't optimize myself to give the best for the job. But I can't quit for now cause I am a type of 'don't leave before you really had enough' one.

The job is quite interesting, but as a beginner, I just can't do it in my way. I remember how I used to think so different, make a breakthrough in a class when I were in university, it's a former glory days now. Really cannot think in the way I want...just following the system. Of course I have to face many situations which I think I can do better if I just can be given more allowances. But this is the reality. This new environment and system had me given up the idealism I once have. Can't blame anyone. This is life. it's tough. My boss doesn't help at all. Things will become much more easier for me if my boss could understand my strong point is not in here, and as I know my boss is an iron-woman (but really respectful and very hardworking one), she won't stand a mistake and quite scary. But I learn many things from her attitude. Focus, discipline, and most of all, have a strong mentality.

It's all in mind, like Joe Rogan in Fear Factor said, all just about how the way you see, how the way you think. However, a strong motive is needed and a full commitment to go through the chosen path also will decided what kind of person a man could be.

In this case, I really don't see any point of that inside myself. First, I find myself not getting around people so well. Second, I sense myself keep thinking in negative ways and I don't know how to get myself out of there. And third, I scare to fall down, I scare about lot of things, how people will see me as a loser, how they would think that I am just a fool. I'm scare that I'm just living in a lonely world build by myself, going to be an old woman filled with regret, waiting to die alone.

It's not that I don't want to change. I do have positive thoughts. I do know we have to move on, show our hardworking and fight for our life. I'm just too afraid to fail. I am not willing to take the risk and that's bring me to the fact that no one will reach their dream without taking any risk.

I wake up everyday as an ordinary person doing ordinary things that others do. How can I expect myself to be different, I thought to myself, how can I get off my knees and stand tall?

So, starting for this minute, I have to find a will inside myself, a strong will that's going to become a commitment to do things to get to my dream. I want to be hard to myself for now on. I can't just watching my life ends up dying alone with regrets.

Christmas is coming, like telling me, time will never wait for you, it's time for beginning to lay bricks of my life. My simple plan for now: find a commitment.

Wish Upon A Star

2010-10-02T11:29:00.000-07:00

Akhirnya, kerjaan di kantor udah mulai datang. Pressure also coming slowly. Aku teringat Indian Movie, 3 Idiots, 'don't run behind the success, but let the success run behind you'. Makna film ini mendalam banget...dan bagus banget kalo bisa diterapkan di dunia pendidikan. Dan juga dunia kerja, tapi aku sih ragu ya...reality seems different. Cause reality is full of pressures.

Setelah menjalani masa masa di kantor, point of view aku menjadi berubah. Ada yang salah dengan diriku sendiri. That's what I thought to myself. Aku seperti kehilangan idealisme dan identitas diri. Rasanya aku tidak fokus dan tidak bisa menghandle pressure. A very wise friend told me that this is one of the phase that almost everyone had ever experienced. Once you go through it, you'll look at it just like the way you look at your past right now. I hope so. But I feel so boring to go to work every morning.

Terinspirasi dari movie Seabiscuit, aku tetap memaksa diri bangun pagi dan melakukan rutinitas kantor walau tidak konsentrasi sepenuhnya. 'you don't throw a whole life away just because it's banged up a little bit'. That's one of the line that I remember waking up in the morning. Seabiscuit adalah racehorse yang luar biasa, semangatnya dan kisahnya bersama jockey Red Pollack maupun George Woolf mengingatkanku untuk terus melangkah, and of course, never let any loses or problems get me and keep me stop from moving. Cause no one is perfect, like Charles Howard (portrayed by Jeff Bridges) said in the movie.

I have many thoughts right now. And I seems like in a situation seabiscuit is before his glory days. I really feel like I have no plan at all. And I don't know if I can be like seasbiscuit. Can be back from that depression. I am focusing too much on my imperfectness, now I get stuck and I don't know how to get out. I might seems all right, but inside I'm more than lonely and confuse.

There is a wish in my heart. A wish that I hang upon a star, hoping one day it may come true. That wish is not really for myself. And for that wish, I have to keep moving. And that wish helps me out for these hard times. Just like a light that shine on, be my guide to get out from this situation.

柴米油盐酱醋茶

2010-07-31T19:50:00.000-07:00

王力宏最棒！！

好感动的一首歌！！

Welcome to Life

2010-07-17T10:29:00.000-07:00

Start it quite well: always the first at little town's high school, accepted in the city's best government's university, fresh graduated with good GPA, accepted in a good company, and then...here we goes...the reality..LIFE. The truth is, even it's just starting, I know it's going to be tougher every day cause it's never be the same anymore.

There's so much more to face, so much more to learn, so much more to see...and I'm afraid I can't hold my breath as I grab it all together...the pieces of life...like holding sands firmly in your palms, you can see it go through your fingers...I think I missed it all and I'm going to miss it. I'm wondering, am I in the right path? How am I doing here? Is it "true" and "wrong" really exist?

There I standing, looking to something that I dreamed for all this time. I'm living in it, but I can't feel it. Can't stop to ask for more and more, can't stop to look at those who have more, can't stop to ask myself when I'll have my own car, my own house and my business?

Is it too naive to think like that? Too greedy? or too stupid? I believed I am. For some people. life could give different meaning. Everyone lives in their way. And wanna know how I live my life? I live in a place called Boredom. My students said I resemble robot. Can't get tired, keep thinking, keep going on...but they don't know the truth. Only a few hours, three times a week can't give them the real interpretation of myself. Although sometimes I thought it'll better that way.

I have family problems right now. My brother's having hard time. And I don't know how to help him. Coming up so suddenly. I wish I could give a hand for him. All this time, he's the one I look up to.

The truth is, I'm still thinking about what I'm going to do with my life. Working just don't get any better as for now, still rounding at the departments, learning the system with uncertainty about my position. I'm afraid I can't hold it. A good chance to start, but a bad system to follow. I wonder if my patience is being questioned here. That's one thing I should learn to endure.

Is this called adolescence? You got to think in many point of views and got to hear from both sides now. As for now, I just can keep walking my way down here. Welcome to Life, Tanny!

First Week at First Job

2010-06-28T05:13:00.000-07:00

Aneh rasanya menjalani minggu pertama di kantor baruku. Kecanggungan dan sifat tertutupku (aku merasa aku sedikit menderita Aspeger's syndrome) membuat aku merasa tidak nyaman berinteraksi. Ada banyak hal yang membuatku salah tingkah, salah tafsir dan merasa aku diabaikan. Anyway, ada banyak hal baru yang aku pelajari selama satu minggu ini. Just like I thought before.

Aku bertemu seniorku dari USU di bagian purchasing. I know him. He doesn't. Ya, seniorku ini emank terkenal banget waktu kuliah dulu. Pandai, excellent, pokoknya dia paling top seangkatan, maklum aja kalo aku kenal dia. Sayangnya, aku tidak satu bagian dengannya. Padahal, it'll be much more easier to learn from someone you know, or at least know a person in that room.

Masih dalam proses belajar. Tidak bisa menyalahkan kolega-kolega yang sibuk sampai tak sempat memberi arahan untuk pekerjaanku. Kebanyakan aku malah duduk melihat file-file yang gampang gampang susah. Untung aku masih ada kesibukan saat sore hari salah satu kolega memberiku tugas memeriksa berkas-berkas, kalau tidak, aku pasti mati kebosanan.

Well, suasana lingkungan kerja yang baru ini membuatku memilih untuk memikirkan kembali tawaran mengajar muridku dulu. Aku memutuskan untuk tidak mengajar lagi setelah bekerja. Tapi, aku rasa aku akan kembali mengajar, karena benar-benar berbeda dari yang kubayangkan dulu. Aku merasa tidak betah dengan pekerjaanku. Mungkin terlalu awal berasumsi, ini baru satu minggu. But if the condition keep continue, I can't hold it. Maybe I'll work there and I'll teach in the night.

Keputusaasaanku karena tidak terbiasa dengan kondisi kantor akhirnya terhapuskan sedikit setelah menonton Mary & Max. Kisah 2 orang yang sama-sama kesepian (Max penderita Aspeger sindrome) saling surat menyurat. Keduanya saling bertukar pikiran and sometimes in a way I feel connected with them. The ending is really touching. It teach me a good lesson. Try to love yourself first.

Aku tidak tahu apa yang menanti besok dan seterusnya. Kadang aku merasa aku hidup dalam mimpi. In a funny way, I smile to myself. Been through a lot. Not everything match the way I dreamed, but just like I learned, life gives different thing but finally you'll find yourself make peace with it. Sekarang melihat kebelakang aku merasa sepert melihat film hitam putih, dan bagian yang aku sesalkan, ada bagian yang memalukan, ada bagian yang membuatku seperti merasakan hari itu pada saat itu juga. Well, overall, If I was asked I want to go back or not, I'll say: no. Just let it be.

I have no plan for now, but I'm making one. Cause I've been taught to face this life with a good spirit at "now" to gain a better "future".

Tomorrow is my first day

2010-06-19T20:05:00.000-07:00

Akhirnya, pintu dunia karirku dibuka besok. Asian Agri adalah perusahaan tempat aku memulai sebuah chapter baru dalam hidupku. Setelah sekian tahun di USU, inilah saatnya memulai menjalani kehidupan yang sebenarnya. A bit odd, cause real life seem so tough. I think I have to make sure to give up on those childish and innocent thoughts.

Well, tentu saja aku tahu bahwa esok dan seterusnya adalah hari-hari perjuangan yang jauh lebih melelahkan dibanding kuliah dulu. Tentu saja akan ada new experiences dan banyak hal lagi. Perasaan aku saat ini ada sedikit tegang, tapi exciting at the same time. I wonder how I'll face it.

Sampai pada tahap ini, yang ada dalam pikiranku adalah aku belum mengetahui apa sebenarnya keahlianku, apa yang sebenarnya paling cocok aku lakukan dalam hidupku. Aku hanya mengikuti arus, melihat sekelilingku, merasa kagum pada mereka yang sukses dan bertanya-tanya bagaimana mereka melakukannya?? Ada begitu banyak pertanyaan dalam kepalaku dan ketakutan terbesarku adalah aku akan terjebak dalam lomba tikus seperti dalam cashflow game Robert Kiyosaki.

I want to enjoy my life. But I can't help wondering what I'm good at. So, this is me, keep walking on...

My First Job Experience

2010-06-10T20:20:00.000-07:00

I'm quite happy today, just got off from the phone call, Asian Agri offered me the job!!
Two days ago, I followed the test and the interview. It's a very long and exhausting day. But I got some experience by talking with the company's key person. "We need to learn to see behind the wall, to think outside the box". That's a normal conversation between me and them, but I feel like I'm talking with my senior.

I have a good feeling about this. Just hoping I can work hard and find myself enjoy it.

The Reaction

2010-06-08T07:56:00.000-07:00

Realized it or not, we live in our dream. We walk toward it inch by inch every single day. Sometime we're surprised about what we're getting at, seems not right, but that's how it works, like the anime movie UP. It's an adventure.

I thought about it a lot times. And I end up in one line: it's the way we react about the changing situation that'll make the best of our life. Some people find it's about money, some find it's about fame, and a lot more, depend on what the most important thing in one's life. In the end, it's all about satisfaction.

I dream to be a rich person for some reasons. But for now, I really have no idea about how to make it come true. Still being kept in the dark. I look to myself, try to know myself better. Try to analyze the SWOT strategies of myself. Day by day, I walk through a lot things. Sometimes I wonder what it'll take me to. I wonder..

I want to be "do more less talk" person. And I officially state this to myself (cause I think I've been running away for this time): I'll face all the problems with positive thoughts and I'll give my best at everything I do.

How Japanese Dramas Had Taught Me More About Life

2010-06-06T05:18:00.000-07:00

About these past 6 months, I watched Japanese Dramas that had been downloaded from various sources in my notebook. To my surprise, this kind of entertainment had given me a lot of thoughts. My favorite so far:

1. Code Blue (Season 1, SP, and Season 2)

The story is interesting, not just about the intense of the medical treatment, but also about how the young doctors' struggle. Every episode has their own uniqueness that somehow slowly change the characters of these 4 young flight-doctor in training (fellowship) and the nurse.

I love Toda Erika's character most one. Like I've read in many articles about this drama's reviews, Hiyama Mihoko (toda's character in the drama) is perfectly match the viewer as she is not too cool like Aizawa, not too bookworm like Shiraishi, and not annoying like Fujikawa, but instead she showed how a hardworking person trying at her best to be a doctor. She looks tough and straight to the patients, but indeed she puts a lot of emotional feeling to every patient. And I guess being the only one not graduating at the end is really disappointing especially to the viewer, as we all must agree she is much better than Fujikawa who passed the graduation. However, it's all because of her "too much consideration" decision in Tsubasa's case. But just like the hospital chief, Tadakoro sensei, said: Taking a long way is not a bad thing, instead it'll bring out the best thing inside someone.

Code blue season 2 is awarded as the best drama in Japan's 64th Television Drama Academy Award. I really satisfied because in this season, we can see how the character of these four doctors are changed by the problems they faced, the reality, and at the end, they all figured out the key to the problem and that's really beautiful. The story's touching your heart in someway.

2. Beautiful Life

Old drama. But I can't help to cry at 3 or 4 scenes in it. Kyoko's tried her best to live, to have a normal life, but fate said she has to give up at the end. Kyoko's meeting with Shuji changed the way she saw this world from 100 metres (on her wheelchair). A nice dramas with such a beautiful message behind it.

3. Ryuusei No Kizuna (Meteor's Bond)

Toda Erika is awarded as the best supporting actress in this drama, also after this drama, her popularity grows faster.
Koichi, Taisuke, and Shi. These three siblings grow up together with one aim: find their parents' killer and kill him. This drama has all at the 2008 movie mania ask for: mystery, humors, family, and love story. You find a very best mix of it at this drama, like a very good taste of coffee. Well, I'm not really surprise at the end of the story, knowing the true murderer of their parents. But overall, I love their swindling strategies and of course Toda Erika's acting! She is at her best in this drama. My favorite scenes are:
- Koichi and Taisuke trying to tell Shi that they are not real siblings. Shi is so beautiful even wearing sweatpants and shirts.
- Shi and Taisuke walking at the bank of the river talking about Koichi
- Togami Yukinari slips 2 times asking Shi to go for a date.
- The ending when they finally run the Hayashi Rice restaurant

4. One Litre Of Tears
This is the most touching drama based on true story I've ever watched. I cry even when I just think about some sad scenes in this drama. I admire Aya Ikeuchi for never stop trying to live. I could never be like her if I am the one who get the disease. The soundtracks are great combination for the drama.

5. BOSS
I loved the profiling style, loved how the case in every episode will make you keep wondering just like you want to try to solve it too, loved the light comedies between the characters, and of course loved Toda Erika's acting as Mami Kimoto: a skillful young introvert scientist who is transferred to the new unit as a detective. Osawa Eriko played beautifully by the talented Amami Yuki. She is great.

These Japanese Dramas had thought me more about life. Whatever it is, life is something you have to fight for, you give the best of yourself, and life will give it back to you, even in someway you never thought before. Like in Code Blue, who knows how it'll turn out at the end, you just have to keep on trying your best on your track. And like in Beautiful Life, also One Litre Of tears, I learned that even death is what we have to face, we should try our best as we have the time limit. As for Ryuusei No Kizuna, I guess the way the three siblings moving on their life bringing the grudge to find their parents' murderer at the end brought them to be much more tough and strong, even something more satisfying. AS for BOSS, I learned about being professional in working.

Aya Ikeuchi

2010-05-21T09:52:00.000-07:00

What's wrong with falling down? You can always stand up again.

Loved this line. It's one of Aya Ikeuchi's inspiriting words.

As the title said, you really cry out one litre of tears while watching the Japanese drama based on true story of Aya Ikeuchi who suffered from an incurable disease at 15 years old.

Already watched it many years ago..but when I watched it again, I just can't hold the tears. Really sad but such strong message always left in your brain after you see how Aya faced her life. Wonderful character. I won't have half her spirits if I were the one.

Right now, I am still hesitating about what I am going to do with my life. I am afraid of many things. Watching this drama gives me some hope. I have to be strong to keep going on. Like Ikeuchi said, there's nothing wrong with falling down, it reminds me to Nelson Mandela's line: the greatest glory in human's life is not in never failing, but in raising every time we fall. I would like to take my condition right now as a down in my life. Graduated unemployed person who lost in self confidence to take a new step in life like me should learn more from Ikeuchi.

Also love the OST. My favorite one is the song Aya's class sing together for the concert (also when Aya left the school). Sangatsu Kokonoka. Here is the translation.

In the middle of this drifting season
I suddenly feel the length of the days
In the midst of these quickly-passing days
You and I dream away

With my feelings on the March wind
The cherry blossom buds continue on into spring

The overflowing drops of light
One by one warm the morning
Beside you, I’m a little embarrassed
After a huge yawn

I’m standing at the door to a new world
What I’ve realized is that I’m not alone

If I close my eyes
You’re behind my eyelids
How strong has that made me?
I hope I’m the same for you

The dusty whirlwind
Tangled up the laundry, but
The white moon in the morning sky
Was so beautiful, I couldn’t look away

There are things that don’t go the way I planned
But if I look up to the sky, even they seem small

The blue sky is cold and clear
The fluffy clouds float by quietly
If I can share with you the joy
Of waiting for the flowers to bloom, I’ll be happy

From now on, I want you to be quietly smiling beside me

Interesting Facts

2010-05-18T21:54:00.000-07:00

The Statue of Liberty's index finger is eight feet long

Rain has never been recorded in some parts of the Atacama Desert in Chile

A 75 year old person will have slept about 23 years.

There are as many chickens on earth as there are humans.

One type of hummingbird weighs less than a penny

The word "set" has the most number of definitions in the English language;192

Slugs have four noses

Sharks can live up to 100 years

Mosquitos are more attracted to the color blue than any other color.

Kangaroos can't walk backwards

About 75 acres of pizza are eaten in in the U.S. everyday

The largest recorded snowflake was 15in wide and 8in thick. It fell in Montana in 1887

The tip of a bullwhip moves so fast that the sound it makes is actually a tiny sonic boom.

Former president Bill Clinton only sent 2 emails in his entire 8 year presidency

Koalas and humans are the only animals that have finger prints

There are 200,000,000 insects for every one human

It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery had in it to begin with.

The world's largest Montessori school is in India, with 26,312 students in 2002

Octopus have three hearts

If you ate too many carrots, you'd turn orange

The average person spends two weeks waiting for a traffic light to change.

1 in 2,000,000,000 people will live to be 116orold

The body has 2-3 million sweat glands

Sperm whales have the biggest brains; 20 lbs

Tiger shark embroyos fight each other in their mother's womb. The survivor is born.

Most cats are left pawed

250 people have fallen off the Leaning Tower of Pisa

A Blue whale's tongue weighs more than an elephant

You use 14 muscles to smile and 43 to frown. Keep Smiling!

Bamboo can grow up to 3 ft in 24 hours

An eyeball weighs about 1 ounce

Bone is five times stronger than steel.

• Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'.

• Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.

• The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

• The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

• The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to Squirt blood 30 feet.

• Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear By 700 times.

• Ants don't sleep.

• Owls have eyeballs that are tubular in shape, because of this, they cannot move their eyes.

• A bird requires more food in proportion to its size than a baby or a cat.

• The mouse is the most common mammal in the US.

• A newborn kangaroo is about 1 inch in length.

• A cow gives nearly 200,000 glasses of milk in her lifetime.

• The Canary Islands were not named for a bird called a canary. They were named after a breed of large dogs. The Latin name was Canariae insulae - "Island of Dogs."

• There are 701 types of pure breed dogs.

• A polecat is not a cat. It is a nocturnal European weasel.

• The animal responsible for the most human deaths world-wide is the mosquito.

• The biggest pig in recorded history was Big Boy of Black Mountain, North Carolina, who was weighed at 1,904 pounds in 1939.

• Cats respond most readily to names that end in an "ee" sound.

• A cat cannot see directly under its nose. This is why the cat cannot seem to find tidbits on the floor.

• Pigs, walruses and light-colored horses can be sunburned.

• Snakes are immune to their own poison.

• An iguana can stay under water for 28 minutes.

• Cats have more than one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about ten.

• The biggest member of the cat family is the male lion, which weighs 528 pounds (240 kilograms).

• Most lipstick contains fish scales.

• Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over a million descendants.

• Each day in the US, animal shelters are forced to destroy 30,000 dogs and cats.

• A shrimp's heart is in their head.

• A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.

• A cockroach will live nine days without its head, before it starves to death.

• The cat lover is an ailurophile, while a cat hater is an ailurophobe.

• A woodpecker can peck twenty times a second.

• It may take longer than two days for a chick to break out of its shell.

• Dragonflies are one of the fastest insects, flying 50 to 60 mph.

• Despite man's fear and hatred of the wolf, it has not ever been proved that a non-rabid wolf ever attacked a human.

• There are more than 100 million dogs and cats in the United States.

• Americans spend more than 5.4 billion dollars on their pets each year.

• Cat's urine glows under a black light.

• The largest cockroach on record is one measured at 3.81 inches in length.

• It is estimated that a single toad may catch and eat as many as 10,000 insects in the course of a summer.

• Amphibians eyes come in a variety shapes and sizes. Some even have square or heart-shaped pupils.

• It would require an average of 18 hummingbirds to weigh in at 1 ounce.

• Dogs that do not tolerate small children well are the St. Bernard, the Old English sheep dog, the Alaskan malamute, the bull terrier, and the toy poodle.

• Moles are able to tunnel through 300 feet of earth in a day.

• Howler monkeys are the noisiest land animals. Their calls can be heard over 2 miles away.

• A quarter of the horses in the US died of a vast virus epidemic in 1872.

• The fastest bird is the Spine-tailed swift, clocked at speeds of up to 220 miles per hour.

. There is no single cat called the panther. The name is commonly applied to the leopard, but it is also used to refer to the puma and the jaguar. A black panther is really a black leopard. A capon is a castrated rooster.

• The world's largest rodent is the Capybara. An Amazon water hog that looks like a guinea pig, it can weigh more than 100 pounds.

• The poison-arrow frog has enough poison to kill about 2,200 people.

• The hummingbird, the loon, the swift, the kingfisher, and the grebe are all birds that cannot walk.

• The poisonous copperhead snake smells like fresh cut cucumbers.

• A chameleon's tongue is twice the length of its body.

• Worker ants may live seven years and the queen may live as long as 15 years.

• The blood of mammals is red, the blood of insects is yellow, and the blood of lobsters is blue.

• Cheetahs make a chirping sound that is much like a bird's chirp or a dog's yelp. The sound is so an intense, it can be heard a mile away.

• The underside of a horse's hoof is called a frog. The frog peels off several times a year with new growth.

• The bloodhound is the only animal whose evidence is admissible in an American court. 98% of brown bears in the United States are in Alaska.

• Before air conditioning was invented, white cotton slipcovers were put on furniture to keep the air cool.

• The Barbie doll has more than 80 careers.

• To make one pound of whole milk cheese, 10 pounds of whole milk is needed.

• 99% of pumpkins that are sold for decoration.

• Every 30 seconds a house fire doubles in size.

• The month of December is the most popular month for weddings in the Philippines.

• A one ounce milk chocolate bar has 6 mg of caffeine.

• Carbon monoxide can kill a person in less than 15 minutes.

• The largest ever hailstone weighed over 1kg and fell in Bangladesh in 1986.

• Ants can live up to 16 years.

• In Belgium, there is a museum that is just for strawberries.

• The sense of smell of an ant is just as good as a dog's.

• Popped popcorn should be stored in the freezer or refrigerator as this way it can stay crunchy for up to three weeks.

• Coca-Cola was originally green.

• The most common name in the world is Mohammed.

• The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.

• The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

• TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row ! of the keyboard.

• Women blink nearly twice as much as men!!

• You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.

• It is impossible to lick your elbow.

• People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you sneeze, your heart stops for a millisecond.

• It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.

• The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest

• tongue twister in the English language.

• If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.

• Each king in a deck of playing cards represents great king from history.

Spades - King David

Clubs - Alexander the Great,

Hearts - Charlemagne

Diamonds - Julius Caesar.

• 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

Pupus

2010-05-16T01:50:00.001-07:00

Semalam aku bahagia sekali ketika tim uber China yang mendominasi dunia bulutangkis putri akhirnya takluk pada Korea 1-3, mission impossible Korea sungguh inspiratif...

Rasanya puas sekali melihat pelatih Li Yong Bo yang sesumbar itu akhirnya tidak tersenyum semalam. Dan di atas segalanya, kerja keras pemain Korea menjadi suatu motivasi bagiku, karena sudah terlalu lama China memegang piala Uber itu, seems like fighting with something abstract, so when Korean won, it gives something to me to think: Hope.

Tapi, rasa kesal dan kecewa kembali datang seiring dengan berakhirnya pertandingan Thomas Cup. Aku tidak sanggup melihat partai ketiga yang sedang berlangsung saat ini, karena Indonesia sudah ketinggalan 0 - 2 dari China. Pupus sudah harapan yang datang dengan inspirasi tim Korea semalam. Betapa tidak, pasangan ganda terbaik Indonesia yang selalu kubanggakan, Kido-Setiawan menyerah tiga set pada pemain ganda China. It's not worth watching anymore. Tidak ada yang bisa diharapkan dari seorang Simon Santoso. Kadang aku berpikir akulah pengecut yang sesungguhnya, kalah sebelum bertanding, bahkan hanya sebagai penonton. Aku tidak ingin berkomentar lebih jauh untuk menutupi kenyataan bahwa aku terlalu takut menghadapi kekalahan. Toh tak akan ada beda jauhnya aku nonton atau tidak, yang aku tahu kalau melihat Indonesia dipermalukan China, entah kenapa sakit hati ini...

Entah kapan lagi bisa melihat piala Thomas itu kembali. Mission Impossible.

If I Were A Boy in My Graduation Day

2010-04-27T08:17:00.000-07:00

If I were a boy in my graduation day, I won't worry a lot about how I looked. I'm so desperate to see my face in my pictures, how lame..

Hari yang membahagiakan itu berakhir dengan tidak menyenangkan. Hanya karena penampilanku yang buruk. Menyedihkan. Kalau saja aku lelaki, maka aku cukup mengenakan jas. Tidak perlu repot-repot ke salon dan menyerahkan kuasa wajahku pada si tukang make up. Dan rambutku..oh rambutku...pathetic..

Benar-benar dech..aku trauma berat lihat foto-fotonya...

Anyway, hari itu berlalu sudah. Lagi hunting job, moga-moga aja dapat yang cocok dan aku bisa enjoy dengan pekerjaan itu...something to distract me..

90 Jam Menuju Wisuda

2010-04-21T23:28:00.000-07:00

Aku pernah membaca cerita tentang seorang kakek yang kehilangan kuda. Ketika orang-orang mengatakan betapa tidak beruntungnya beliau kehilangan kuda, kakek itu malah tidak berpikir demikian, mungkin saja ada hal baik yang tersembunyi dari kemalangan itu. Dan ternyata dua hari kemudian, kuda kakek itu kembali membawa satu kuda yang lain. Tidak berapa lama kemudian cucu sang kakek jatuh saat menunggangi kuda itu hingga kakinya patah. Orang-orang mulai mengasihani sang cucu, tapi kakek selalu berpikir bahwa ada hal baik yang menanti atas kemalangan sang cucu. Ternyata kakek itu kembali benar, karena tidak lama kemudian terjadi perang negara dan setiap putra keluarga harus dikirim menjadi tentara, kecuali sang cucu.

Hm, aku juga ingin berpikir positif seperti si kakek dalam cerita itu. Hari jumat lalu, aku jatuh dari motor saat aku akan pergi ke USU untuk mengambil copyan skripsiku. Lututku terluka, akibatnya aku susah berjalan selama beberapa hari ini. Dan yang paling mengesalkanku diatas segalanya adalah orang-orang yang secara tidak langsung memberi masukan negatif di saat-saat aku down. Tapi aku sendiri merasa malu pada diriku. Kejadian ini membuat aku sadar aku tidak pernah benar-benar bersyukur atas apa yang kumiliki. selama in aku selalu merasa kurang, kurang dan kurang. Tidak pernah puas. Mungkin itulah human basic. Sekarang dengan kondisiku, aku bahkan susah untuk mandi. Aku merindukan saat-saat aku bisa bersepeda motor dengan tenang, saat begitu mudahnya aku ingin berpergian ke satu tempat, aku bahkan rindu untuk naik turun tangga dengan mudahnya. Haha..how ironic!

Em, dan hal lain yang menggangu pikiranku saat ini adalah wisuda yang akan dilangsungkan kurang lebih 90 jam dari sekarang. Bahkan aku belum memesan waktu rias di bridal dan peminjaman kebaya. He...aku bahkan belum menyiapkan sepatu. Well, it's normal for a person like me who never pay attention in appearance.

Gladi resik tadi pagi membuatku sedikit khawatir apa aku bisa berjalan dengan baik di panggung nanti?? AKu berharap lukaku segera sembuh, setidaknya langkah kakiku jangan sampai sempoyongan lagi.

Kabar baiknya (mungkin inilah buah baik dari tragedi seperti cerita tentang si kakek) aku senang sekali melihat toga (jubah dan topi) wisudaku, aku dapat yang spesial (setidaknya menurutku). Semalam saat pengambilan, bapak Bukit, yang bertugas mengatur pengambilan toga, merasa bersimpati pada keadaanku lalu memberikan aku topi wisuda yang baru, sementara banyak yang cuma mendapat topi ala kadarnya, (berhubung yhari itu hari terakhir pengambikan sehingga yang tersisa kebanyakan yang sudah tidak bagus lagi), Aku juga dipilihkannya jubah yang cocok, dan aku merasa inilah keberuntungan yang kuperoleh dari kecelakaan kemarin.

But..perasaan yang ada di hatiku tidak sama dengan perasaan di pikiranku. Always like that. Hatiku bahagia untuk sesaat melihat baju toga itu, simbol penghargaan untuk pengorbananku selama ini di USU. Tapi pikiranku menentang keras, sarjanakah aku? Am I deserved? Aku bahkan belum melamar pekerjaan. And I still haven't got any idea about what I'm going to do. And I worry about many things.

90 jam menuju wisuda, dan pikiranku melayang jauh. Rasa sakit menggerakkan lututku tidak membantu pikiranku sama sekali. Aku tetap fokus untuk saat ini, mengerjakan hal yang bisa kukerjakan, tidak lain dan tidak bukan menyelesaikan hari-hari teakhirku sebagai guru les.

I'm always wishing to get back as soon as possible, riding the motorcycle again to get some of "me"...and wish my graduation will be as fine as I could imagine.

I Gotta Be

2010-04-14T21:28:00.000-07:00

Just found a great song by Desree, very moving and somehow telling me how to face my condition right now.

Listen as your day unfolds
Challenge what the future holds
Try and keep your head up to the sky
Lovers, they may cause you tears
Go ahead release your fears
Stand up and be counted
Don't be ashamed to cry

You gotta be
You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold
You gotta be wiser, you gotta be hard
You gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm
You gotta stay together
All I know, all I know, love will save the day

Herald what your mother said
Readin' the books your father read
Try to solve the puzzles in your own sweet time
Some may have more cash than you
Others take a different view
My oh my heh, hey

You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold
You gotta be wiser, you gotta be hard
You gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm
You gotta stay together
All I know, all I know, love will save the day

Don't ask no questions, it goes on without you
Leaving you behind if you can't stand the pace
The world keeps on spinning
You can't stop it, if you try to
This time it's danger staring you in the face
Oh oh oh Remember
Listen as your day unfolds
Challenge what the future holds
Try and keep your head up to the sky
Lovers, they may cause you tears
Go ahead release your fears
My oh my heh, hey, hey
You gotta be
You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold
You gotta be wiser, you gotta be hard
You gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm
You gotta stay together
All I know, all I know, love will save the day

I Love You Hiro Nakamura san..

2010-04-10T09:22:00.000-07:00

Human are interesting. Tidak ada makhluk hidup yang pernah ada yang memiliki tingkat kekompleksan seperti manusia. Science yang selama ini dipelajari dan berkembang begitu pesatnya masih tidak mampu memberi kepastian dalam menjawab berbagai pertanyaan mengenai manusia, terutama dalam hal psikologi.

Watching many movies and dramas have changed the way I'm looking human now. Mulai dari hal-hal kecil seperti cara berkomunikasi, cara melihat masalah dari berbagai perspektif, sampai sesuatu yang profesional seperti profiling karakter (aku tidak punya kemampuan yang baik dalam hal ini tapi aku merasa profiling adalah skill yang luar biasa yang sangat berguna dalam tingkat tertentu). Aku melihat berbagai karakter yang membuatku merasa bahwa tidak ada yang impossible ditemukan dalam diri seorang manusia. You'll hardly find some people who will do just about anything for money, or maybe some people who kindly voluntary give any parts of his body to other who needs it, or some kids who kill his parents for any reason that only make sense for them, or any wildest imagination you could have. It's all stories, yet you find too in the real life.

Of all that, I am so interested in one character, Hiro Nakamura, simple one reason: he is admirable.

I fall in love with this character since the first time I watched Heroes. It just because funny at first, then as the story continues, Hiro had stolen my heart away. The way he fights for what he believes, the way he use his power for good, noble heroically actions as he learned from all the comics and kids heroes stuffs, has convinced me that Japanese are really dedicated people.

After watching Heroes S04E16, I can concluded my feeling about Hiro Nakamura san character in one word: Honor. Adegan Hiro dalam "pengadilan kematian" yang mempertanyakan tentang bagaimana ia menggunakan kekuatannya, apakah ia telah melanggar kode etik seorang "hero with special ability" untuk kepentingan pribadi, sungguh sangat mengharukan dan heroikal. That's the best scene of season 4. And how he accept his destiny with all his heart is something so admirable. Adegan ketika ibu Hiro menanti di gerbang "kematian" benar-benar mengharukan. Is that really like that, the moment we die? Will we be questioned of everything we did? And our mother standing there.... I believed every mom in this world want the best thing happen to their children. And that was so touching to see Hiro and his mom talking about Hiro's life and destiny. His mother heal him and send him back to finish his job. What a story.

That's really give me a thought. Life is an honor if you fight it with all you have as what you believe.

Money is Everything, isn't it????

2010-04-01T22:45:00.003-07:00

Scary face...that's how zeni geba (money crazy) true face.
Matsuyama Kenichi's acting as Gamagori Fotaro in this drama got him the best actor at Japanese Television 60th academy award. Surprising, since I always thought of him as a weird but calm detective (L, in Death Note). The drama's story quite interesting, about a boy who turn out to be a zeni geba after his mother's death because they are too poor to go on with her mother's medication. That boy swear to beat money and doing everything to be rich, even killing people on the way. He managed to get married with his boss' daughter (who has birthmark on her face and unable to walk properly) and even kill his father-in-law to become the president of the ship company he always want to.

I remember once I asked my high school friends, what the most important thing in this world?? They all have the same answer, Love. I believe they are all honest in giving the answer, but I feel sorry I doubt them, although I never try to offense them. Whether you like it or not, money seem to be priority in every single human's life.

I am hesitate. Suddenly I don't know how to behave. I want to believe there is other more important thing than money, but I can't help to see this earth is moved by money..like gasoline in motorbike; no money, no work.

Although people say this and that (how there are other things more important like family, friends, etc), at the end, money is all that matters. I am feeling so bad to admit this, for me right now, money is all that I want. But of course I don't want to be like Gamagori Futaro in the Zeni Geba, I won't do crazy things such as him, I want to earn money with my own hard work.

I was told by someone to look up the sky and find clouds forming something in my eyes. That "someone" also told me simple little things to do to prove to me that sometimes to be happy, not means to have money at all....

I tried. What I felt is peace. I think I won't be satisfied until I experienced myself how this life really work, is it really money become the first number one or not. All I can say right now is I have to work hard in the right way. Seems like a new chapter is going to begin after my graduation. I feel a little bit exciting, but most of all I feel so challenging.

Being Engineer

2010-03-29T19:41:00.001-07:00

So, here I am, a fresh graduate engineer. Masih blum wisuda sih, tapi perbaikan udah siap dan pendaftaran juga udah ok. Semoga semua lancar sampai topi wisuda itu secara resmi dipakaikan di kepalaku.

Still hunting for job, looking for the suitable one. Tough thing to be an engineer?? Yup. Still hesitate about what I am going to do next, but I'll never regret my decision to be an engineer. Being engineer has brought many memories in the process itself, although some of it are bitter, but I guess all combine to make me the way I am right now. Still lots to learn and I know this is just a beginning.

I wonder I could have a life that I want. Interesting to find out myself after All the dramas I've watched. Currently watching the old Japan drama (2000) "beautiful life", haven't finished yet, but the story is really inspiring. Thanks to my friend who introduce me to Japanese Doramas, I love the stories and the messages behind it, despite all the actors and actress are lovable, it really give me something to review in myself. I like Code Blue especially, the medical dramas that thought me to think about hope, facing the reality and how the doctors' spirit that made me believe somehow even miracle could not happen, we should never give up and stop trying our best. The most important thing is be professional in whatever we do, even small little things, cause by giving our best, we'll never regret it later.

It feels scary and exciting at the same time. Graduating as an engineer. But I have to keep up the spirit, try my best. Ganbatte!

Finally, one step to go

2010-03-18T19:42:00.000-07:00

Finally, yesterday was over. All I can remember is 诸葛亮 words:
孔日成仁
孟日取义
降或不降
不在得失
实在气节

When I woke up in the morning yesterday, I didn't know how the day's going to end, all I knew is I had to fight till the end. No country for loser.

Banyak terima kasih untuk semua teman-teman yang sudah memberi dukungan khususnya untuk mereka yang telah benar-benar mendoakan aku. Juga untuk dosen pengujiku, yang telah memberi aku kesempatan.

Selamat juga buat teman-temanku yang lain yang berjuang bersama-sama di seminar dan sidang dan akhirnya lulus bersama-sama. Semoga kita semuanya bisa mencapai impian kita dengan memasuki satu chapter baru dalam hidup kita.

It's a new beginning. Don't want to be too happy, masih harus selesaikan perbaikan untuk bisa mengikuti wisuda. Well, I guess I must take a long route, huh? hehe..But I think of all it already, life couldn't be touched only by receiving the same thing as others do, the real life is experienced your own journey, and the greatest glory is not in never failing, but in raising every time we fall.

Ganbatte!!

One Last Show

2010-03-12T22:57:00.000-08:00

18. That's the date I am waiting for. Scary? A bit. Tough? Yeah, kind of.

Apakah ini hanya instinct semata, ataukah setiap orang yang mengikuti sidang sarjana akan merasa seperti paranoid? Merasa bahwa laporan yang dikerjakan dengan keringat darah itu akan dibongkar begitu saja, dan harus mengulang kembali perkerjaan yang sama sekali tidak nikmat ini?? Seharusnya tidak. As long as you understand what you are doing, it should be okay, isn't it?

I'm not half the person I used to be. I lost the "touch". Months earlier I would be so excited to get done with this, it would be a very bright day for me. Yet now, I am not kidding or pretending to be humble or anything others can say, I really afraid of the worst scenario. I was ashamed of myself. Can I hold on all by myself? I don't have anything left to fight for, I don't want to sound like I want this badly, but I can see how it'll ruin my plan.

Aku merasa aku telah mengecewakan diriku sendiri. How many times I've learned to be calm, and end up being a coward? This is one last show, and I already defeated at the beginning. What the hell is going on with me????

Brick walls are there for a reason. Not to make you give up easily, but to show how badly you want the thing behind it. Only people with fearless courageous could ever break it. How much I want it? Am I deserved it after all my sacrifice and endless night dealing with this last task? Even it's not the best outcome from me, this is the last battle I must face. Whatever the result, I wish I could stand up straight, face it like a real woman, and for the last time, I can be calm like I want it to be, or I will regret for not giving my best in it.

Without wax, let me get through this...

Will I?

2010-03-04T23:58:00.000-08:00

I didn't feel well about the presentation yesterday. Walaupun perbaikan cuma sedikit, rasanya ada ketakutan tesendiri untuk mengejar sidang 2 minggu lagi. I figured out I was too nervous yesterday, telalu memikirkan banyak hal sekaligus dan terganggu dengan kehadiran orang-orang dalam ruangan seminar. I really wish I could be Aizawa sensei for just one day. Cool, calm and confidence. Tapi setelah berulang kali aku berpikir, bagaimanapun semua hal ini akan berlalu juga. sekarang aku sedang mempersiapkan diri untuk menghadapi apapun hasilnya. Not putting too much thoughts on th 18th, just concentrate to push myself today to keep walking on the track, find out the potential and try to not repeat the wrong way, being nervous.

Being an Engineer is tough. I admit that I am not really deserved it. But it's coming to the end now..and I just want to finish it well, cause it really bother me to think of how the system works here.

But as long as I can see the light, I am moving toward it, and it's the path we choose made us the person we want to be. I just want to make it clear to myself, I don't want to end up struggling as student forever. I want to taste the real life of all the education basically stand for .

So, I just can wait and be prepared.
Ganbatte!

Hold On

2010-02-19T00:01:00.000-08:00

A little bit disappointed because the final presentation will be postponed till 4th March...

How do I feel right now? Emm...scare and excited..don't know exactly. Sebenarnya aku merasa aku belum pantas menjadi seorang Engineer. Setelah melewati proses bimbingan dengan pak Prof, dan setelah membaca buku "cacing dan kotoran kesayangannya" karya Ajahn Brahn, aku merasa bahwa ternyata aku masih buta akan begitu banyak hal. Aku melihat diriku yang terburu-buru, melihat diriku yang panik sampai tidak bisa tidur dengan tenang, melihat diriku seperti orang gila yang mengerjakan hal yang tak ada tujuannya....I just realized I have nothing particular to set as my life's goal..all seems so vague..

Still a long way to go. Aku sedang memikirkan siapa yang akan jadi penguji Tugas Sarjana aku. Awalnya aku merasa begitu takut, dan kurasa aku sudah terbiasa mengalami imajinasi yang kelewat batas, membayangkan laporanku yang akan dibongkar habis-habisan dan aku bakal dimaki habis-habisan oleh Pak Prof karena mempermalukan dia sebagai dosen pembimbing aku...think of the worst...just to be ready. And that's the bad side of me, never have an optimistic thinking.

I decide to take a sharp turn now. It's enough with all those words that bring me down. Apupun yang akan terjadi nanti, sekalipun imajinasiku menjadi kenyataan, aku tidak mau menjadi seorang pengecut. Aku ingin berdiri dengan kedua kakiku dan menghadapi kenyataan dengan kemampuan terbaikku. Sudah saatnya aku keluar dari tempurung kura-kuraku..apa gunanya semua yang kubaca, apa gunanya prinsip yang aku yakini, jika aku sendiri telalu takut untuk menunjukkan kalau aku bisa melakukan suatu perubahan, yaitu pada diriku sendiri. Meski aku sendirian, meski begitu banyak rintangan karena dunia tempat aku berada adalah dunia yang sangat mengagungkan suara terbanyak dan kekuasaan....dunia yang penuh dengan orang-orang yang egois...all I need to do is giving my best shot. Whatever the result, at least I'm not a coward.

For those my friends who always having faith in me, I'd like to say thank you so much. Hope I won't disappointed you.

Just need to hold on. It's coming. The last two battles. Ganbatte...

Can I?

2010-02-11T18:46:00.000-08:00

Akhirnya, dating dengan professor berakhir sudah. Lega rasanya.....meski masih harus menemui dia sekali lagi untuk urusan berkas-berkas tugas akhir yang belum selesai.

Ternyata setelah melewati proses pengerjaan skripsi ini dan proses menunggu yang panjang serta saat-saaat diskusi dengan pak professor, pola pikirku telah banyak berubah. Teringat satu pepatah dari negeri Tiongkok:

一口吃不成胖子，一步跨不到天边。

segala hal butuh proses, khususnya untuk big matters. Betapa bodohnya untuk melihat diriku tergesa-gesa tak menentu, sementara setting goal untuk hidupku ternyata masih tidak jelas. Pikiranku penuh dengan banyak hal, aku begitu takut bagaimana menahannya untuk tidak meledak keluar...

Aku juga mulai memahami makna dari perbedaaan antara pasir dan permata. Pasir yang jumlahnya sangat besar dan tidak mengalami proses yang panjang dapat dijumpai dimana-mana dan tidak ada kesan yang mendalam tentangnya. Sementara permata menjalani proses yang begitu panjang dan 'menderita' sebelum akhirnya menjadi salah satu benda yang selalu membuat kagum orang yang melihatnya. Aku telalu banyak mengeluh dan melihat segala sesuatu dari segi negatifnya, dan akhirnya aku tidak menyadari bahwa aku masih dalam proses panjang yang belum selesai....

Aku mengejar seminar dua minggu lagi dan sidang bulan depan. Can I?? Aku berterima kasih kepada Pak professor yang telah membimbingku selama ini. Aku merasa bahwa aku masih harus banyak belajar. I believe I shan't give up on anything, still a long way to go, but for the first time in my life, I feel hope is rising inside me....

keep me where the light is....

Another Big Hesitation

2010-01-11T19:27:00.000-08:00

Times goes by so fast, like an arrow. My meeting with the professor didn't run as well as I thought. Guess it will take a very long time to finish up with him. Still, I have to keep up the spirit, not bringing myself down, cause this is the moment when every single thing could possibly make me feel so down to earth..it's like gravity, like John Mayer's lyrics:
"...Oh Gravity is working against me

And gravity wants to bring me down
Oh twice as much ain't twice as good
And can't sustain like a one half could
It's wanting more, that's gonna send me to my knees..."

Well, quite different with Mayer, I'm just like standing at the top mountain of my hesitation. So confused about what I'm going to do, and I feel so worry about all the things that seem falling down on me. My final task, my students, my future's thoughts, and a lot more...Sometimes I wonder why an ant never complaint and hesitate about how it can carries heavier things than its body.

I try to calm down, take my time to rethink and slowly following the path...even the professor vaguely said that I seem in a hurry and lose the main thing in doing the task. He said that all the engineers that graduate doesn't guarantee the future, cause all the time in our university, most people never really try to learn, as he said that the process of doing the last task it's where we really learn to be a scientist.

I don't exactly know how I feel about the meeting. It just makes me more hesitate. I don't know where to ask, cause all are coming back to me. I don't want to talk more. I want do more. What I'm expecting is I can cross this trouble river. I've done my best. I will keep trying my best.

I had just finished The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown last Saturday. I got some new perspective, I do think I understand where the author is trying to direct the readers, and that's something, the only thing, that can get me stronger in my darkest time right now. Hope.

Maybe that's true, I don't really trust in hope. But that's all how it works. Our human mind.

Darkest time had arrived. All I need just to trust, there is a dawn waiting on me.

A Beginning 2010

2010-01-06T19:20:00.000-08:00

Lot of things happened at my beginning in 2010. Most of all quite impressed me. Gathered with some friends for old and new, got a very surprising phone call at the altered minutes of new year (and that's really something to remember), have lunch with a very good friend that came home from Germany after a long time and I was delighted to got presents from him, a shirt and the most awesome gift : my favorite's author newest novel, The Lost Symbol! Though he already said wanted to give me the other day, I still got stunned, excited and most of all: appreciative. I gave him a watch, don't know he'd like it or not, cause I was at the edge of my mind to think about the most appropriate present for him, and I decided that time is something precious that we all share together, hope he'll like it.
I just met the professor again yesterday. He'd like to check my work so I left it there, he told me to come back for the result at Saturday, which happen to be a very important day. All will decided that day...will he agree to my work? I am a little bit worry, still have faith in my work, but I can't help not to stuck at this moment.
Well, I downloaded some music from the new album of Sam Lee, also Battle Studies by John Mayer, Bonjovi's acoustic album (that's really a masterpiece cause they sounds like showing their other side), and some old song like Blowing in the wind and My City of Ruins. All are good. Especially Bruce Springsteen's.
I also have just finished watch The Celebrity Apprentice, though I don't like Piers Morgan became the winner, he seemed so arrogant, but I have to admitted, business blood runs through his veins. I loved Ivanka Trump all the way. Pretty and smart. ^^
I can't predicted my future. Based on what I studied and learned, future is what you shaped today, it depends on how you want it to be, but sometimes we must calculated unpredictable things...and that was some kind of forecasting with scientific theories. I guess Zhu geliang really understand it all a long time ago. I wish I could be like him, so cool, so calm, so confident in facing every kind of changing situation.

Lot of hopes in this new year. And number one in my list is to finish my study. I've done my part. And I'm waiting to see how my road is going to be.

Be Patient

2009-12-16T23:58:00.000-08:00

Well, nothing left here beside regrets. I'm not supposed to say that actually, but when it comes to emotion, it's something you have to say it out loud just to make yourself feel better.

I am confused in the middle of my last assignment. Some part in myself regret why I didn't try harder before so I can finish it before the year end. Another part of myself is afraid what will come next. Funny to find out how things going in my life, most of it never run in the way I planned...and I just keep wondering if I can be someone I dreamed to be. Is it wrong to put high expectation in myself? Cause nothing really matters now for me. As I figured out I am just a black sheep in my family and I only feel comfortable when I am around people who have things that we can share, and usually it's 'bout books, music and movies. I can count how many people in that case with my fingers.

I am going to meet the Professor who happen to be my leading lecture again next week. Not really sure I can convince him about my wok, but I'll try. That's all I can do right now. Try my best, and let God do the rest. Well, it's like sailing on a boat, I can't guest the weather nor the stormy water, I just can control my sail.

Right now, I just can say I had disappointed myself and I am so scare I have lost my young and innocent spirit. Sometimes when I read again those motivation lines, about how people get success by their hard works and dare to fail spirits, it's like a slap in my face. I've lost it. I am trying to gain it again, cause I don't know I can hold much longer without any certainty in my life.

It's Christmas holiday soon. I am going back home after I meet the professor. Better make it right, or I will come home with a bad mood...I don't have any planning for the holiday, maybe just watch some old movies and doing some cleaning. And a lot of future thoughts to finish.^^)

So...keep up the spirit!!

A Man With Elegant Style: Steve Jobs

2009-12-09T19:33:00.000-08:00

Steve Jobs is cool and most of all: elegant.

Steven Paul "Steve" Jobs (born February 24, 1955) is an American businessman, and the co-founder and chief executive officer of Apple Inc. Jobs previously served as CEO of Pixar Animation Studios.

Jobs has always aspired to position Apple and its products at the forefront of the information technology industry by foreseeing and setting trends, at least in terms of innovation and style. Well, this man is identical with a perfection. I think the way he always want to give his best in creating the innovation that not just satisfying customer, but also gives the elegant feeling in all the products he created, has made him one of the rare person on earth. (that's why I like him a lot).

No wonder he is just awarded as the best CEO of the decade by Fortune Magazine. Awesome! Although some of his employees had described him as an erratic and temperamental manager, he managed to climb to the top position in world's business, making me and perhaps millions people agree that he is one of Bill Gate's main competitor. Tie (for me..hehhe...like them both!!!)

In 1986, Jobs bought The Graphics Group (later renamed Pixar) from Lucas film's computer graphics division for the price of $10 million, $5 million of which was given to the company as capital.

The new company, which was originally based in San Rafael, California, but has since relocated to Emeryville, California, was initially intended to be a high-end graphics hardware developer. After years of unprofitability selling the Pixar Image Computer, it contracted with Disney to produce a number of computer-animated feature films, which Disney would co-finance and distribute.

The first film produced by the partnership, Toy Story, brought fame and critical acclaim to the studio when it was released in 1995. Over the next ten plus years, under Pixar's creative chief John Lasseter, the company would produce the box-office hits A Bug's Life (1998), Toy Story 2 (1999), Monsters, Inc. (2001), Finding NemoThe Incredibles (2004), Cars (2006), Ratatouille (2007), WALL-E (2008) and Up (2009). Finding Nemo, The Incredibles, Ratatouille, and WALL-E each received the Academy Award for Best Animated Feature, an award introduced in 2001. Jobs also helps oversee Disney and Pixar's combined animation businesses with a seat on a special six-man steering committee.

Well, I guess Steve jobs will continue to surprise this world's with his innovation in the future. Wonder how my life's going on now..will I have a great adventure like Carl Fredrikson or an elegant life like Steve Jobs.. I'm sure it needs lot of patience and hard work, and also chance to achieve a miracle like that. Will I? I don't know.

UP

2009-12-09T18:54:00.000-08:00

Well, it's quite late for me to watch this fantastic, cute and touching animation, UP. I really love the Carl's character..My bow for PIXAR especially to Andrew Stanton, who write this story...a piece of brilliant masterpiece...

From Disney•Pixar comes Up, a comedy adventure about 78-year-old balloon salesman Carl Fredricksen, who finally fulfills his lifelong dream of a great adventure when he ties thousands of balloons to his house and flies away to the wilds of South America. But he discovers all too late that his biggest nightmare has stowed away on the trip: an overly optimistic 8-year-old Wilderness Explorer named Russell.

Carl Fredricksen, a shy and quiet young boy, meets an energetic and outgoing tomboy named Ellie, discovering they share the same interest in exploration as their hero, the famed explorer Charles F. Muntz. Ellie tells Carl of her desire to move her clubhouse to Paradise Falls in South America, and makes Carl promise to help. Carl and Ellie wed and grow old together in the old house where they first met while making a living as a toy balloon vendor and a zookeeper respectively. Unable to have children, they repeatedly try to save up for the trip to Paradise Falls, but other financial obligations arise. Just as they're finally about to take their trip, Ellie passes away, leaving Carl a lonely and bitter old man with nothing to live for and missing his wife terribly.

Despite the characters are very lovely (with all the graphic user interface goodwork), the main factor that make this animation be the best is the touching story. For me, the best scene is when Carl finally made it to take their house at ground overlooking Paradise Falls per Ellie's wish, then he went into the house and looking at Ellie's adventure scrapbook and discovers her mementos of her life with Carl after they were married, and a final note from her thanking Carl for her adventure of marriage with him and an encouragement for him to go on his own. Well, I guess the truth adventure for Ellie is her life with Carl, not Paradise Falls.

Two thumbs up for PIXAR animation!!!

Thoughts

2009-11-20T19:59:00.000-08:00

Apakah aku salah kalau aku bepikir hidup ini sering kali tidak adil. Terlalu banyak alasan yang melatarbelakangi pemikiranku. Hidup ini seperti sudah diracuni oleh uang. Everything is all about the money, money and money. U got almost everything. Almost.

Ketika selesai menonton 2012 di bioskop (setelah mengantri lebih dari 1 jam), saya teringat adegan ketika Rampochee dari Tibet mengajarkan pada muridnya tentang kehidupan dengan menuangkan minuman ke dalam cawan sampai meluap. Pikiran manusia ibarat cawan itu, semakin banyak diisi pikiran, maka satu saat ia akan meluap dan sama sekali tidak artinya. Untuk mendapatkan pemikiran yang jernih, yang perlu dilakukan hanya mengosongkan cawan itu.
Wow, sebenarnya bukan pertama kalinya aku mendengar ilustasi ini. Tapi entah kenapa, that moment seems so inspirational.

Aku bukan orang yang bijaksana dan aku sadar bahwa terlalu sedikit yang aku ketahui tentang dunia ini. Tapi malam setelah aku menonton film itu, aku mulai sadar bahwa aku mengisi pikiranku dengan terlalu banyak hal selama ini. Everything mixed up in my mind and suddenly I understand why I feel so miserable all this time.

Aku merasa khawatir terhadap banyak hal dan tidak bisa menikmati hidup. Aku terlalu memikirkan pendapat orang lain. Aku tidak sadar ternyata ada small little things that so wonderful for people who can see it through their eyes and soul.

Ada tantangan besar yang menanti didepanku. Tugas akhirku dan rencana masa depanku. Dan aku rasa aku harus segera mengosongkan cawanku untuk menghadapinya.

Must Be Strong

2009-10-28T22:03:00.000-07:00

How many times in life that we heard a song for the first time, and fall in love with it? This what happened to me when I heard these 2 songs, Long As I can See The Light (by Credence Clear water Revival) and 天黑黑 by 孙燕姿.

Long as I can see the light

Put a candle in the window, cause I feel Ive got to move.
Though Im going, going, Ill be coming home soon,
long as I can see the light.

Pack my bag and lets get movin, cause Im bound to drift a while.
When Im gone, gone, you dont have to worry long,
long as I can see the light.

Guess Ive got that old travlin bone, cause this feelin wont leave me alone.
But I wont, wont be losin my way, no, no
long as I can see the light.

Yeah! yeah! yeah! oh, yeah!

Put a candle in the window, cause I feel Ive got to move.
Though Im going, going, Ill be coming home soon,
Long as I can see the light.
Long as I can see the light.
Long as I can see the light.
Long as I can see the light.
Long as I can see the light.

天黑黑

我的小时候吵闹任性时侯
我的外婆总会唱歌哄我
夏天的午后老老的歌安慰我
那首歌好像这样唱的

天黑黑欲落雨
天黑黑黑黑

离开小时候有了自己的生活
新鲜的歌新鲜的念头
任性和冲动无法控制的时候
我忘记还有这样的歌

天黑黑欲落雨
天黑黑黑黑

我爱上让我奋不顾身的一个人
我以为这就是我所追求的世界
然而横冲直撞被误解被骗
是否成人的世界背后总有残缺
每天必须面对的分岔路
我走在我怀念
过去单纯美好小幸福
爱总是让人哭让人觉得不满足
天空很大却看不清楚
好孤独

天黑的时候我又想起那首歌
突然期待下起安静的雨
原来外婆的道理早就唱给我听
下起雨也要勇敢前进….
我相信一切都会平息
我现在好想回家去

天黑黑欲落雨
天黑黑黑黑

I think these songs could represent how I feel this time...The professor who had been chosen as my main lecturer for my last task..some people who try to make me feel worse about it...and much more..everything is mixed, and I do think I must be strong. Whatever I have to face, how hard it could be, I told myself I must be strong. I'll do my best, and if my best is not enough, well..long as I can see the light I believe God has his own reason for what happened to me.天黑黑欲落雨,下起雨也要勇敢前进…

Darkest Time

2009-10-26T19:35:00.000-07:00

Tough time come again. So, I have to face the truth that I am not able to finish my study at USU this year, or even on January 2010.

I am so disappointed at myself. I don't understand how things going on in this very moment. It feels wrong. And I am so worry about what I am going to do. I can't sleep well.

One of my friend told me to enjoy all the things going on, no need to hurry, just let it flow. I tried. And I still keep trying. But still, I feel so worry.

I once to try to look up the sky, try to find any clouds that would form a smile in my eyes, cause I realize I never really smile for these past months. It's like wearing a mask, Anyone see me as I am usually, but the real me is just someone who is so afraid that I can't get any chance after I graduate later..So I went to find my favorite food, then I suddenly feel so weird, I don't have favorite food, the one that come to my mind is my mom's "hu ngao chai po"...suddenly I feel so cold, I haven't said any word to my mom for past month, she's at Australia with my sister, the one that always be the best daughter in my parent's heart.

Now that I mention my sister, I would like to tell anyone that read this blog: I am not jealous of my sister, cause it might seem like that if you hear it from another side, and also from my family. For me, I am living in her shadow and I think my life will be so much better if I am not born as her sister. Not that I blame destiny. Cause everything I done is going to be connected to my sis even she has nothing to do with it. She is a nice person, tough. I don't blame her too. I owed her. It just there were some parts when we live together that hurt me so much, and I still can't forget it and I don't want to talk about it, ever. Even with my family, there is nothing I want to talk with my family about my problem. That is the last thing I want to do after I die. And I never want them to think that I am lack of their love, what I need is far away from them, just for a while.

I am trying all the way here, just to make me busy and forget all the things going on between me and my family, I wish I could go to some place far from them for a while, so I could find some peace with myself. So selfish, huh? Just let it be, will you God?

I always dream to have my own house with my own room that surrounded by library that full of my favorite books, and my room will face the wonderful view of a river and all the beautiful trees, so I can sit at my work chair, drinking the coffee and watch the sunset. That's all I want.Of course that mean I have to work hard to make it come true. I am dreaming I can have my own company, I would love to be a work alcoholic. All I need is just a chance, even I am not getting exactly what I want, at least I try, at least I do something. I am not a safe player, but I try to be a smart player, like Robert Redford. I am so crazy that I am thinking I live by all the books, the movies...but I am glad I have it. I don't think I have something else that matters anymore.

Darkest time have arrived, will God put a candle in along my road, so I could reach my success door, open it and figured out my simple dream there? I don't want to be a star, I just want my own peace.

A Final Task

2009-10-12T02:36:00.000-07:00

Finally, laporan kerja praktekku selesai minggu lalu. Sekarang sedang mengurus Tugas Akhir. Rasanya makin rumit, mesti melalui birokrasi yang berbelit belit. Dan yang paling kutunggu adalah pertemuan dengan Profesor nomor satu di Teknik industri USU. Face to face.
I get excited cause I need to know how far I had learned, can everything convince myself (not the professor) that I already have a mature mind, that I already know how to walk ahead after this...
I pray, every single thing will just go as perfect as I can imagine. I am still thinking bout the topic I got to do although I already have some in my mind, it just a little bit hard to pour it to words..sometime I get confused, just like a heavy rain, everything run together in my head.
Sungguh berterimakasih untuk segelintir orang yang benar-benar percaya pada kemampuan saya dan mendukung saya dengan sepenuh hati, mereka yang selalu ada di saat aku berada pada titik terlemahku. Dan tentunya untuk murid-muridku yang mengiburku di saat aku sedang down, aku benar-benar beruntung bisa memiliki murid-murid yang care and also have faith in myself. I hope..no..I pray I will not disappointed them...thank you.
Ditengah-tengah semua ini, aku merasa beruntung atas apa yang kuhadapi saat ini. Meski aku memiliki banyak regrets and I did think I can turn back to fix all mistakes..I truly know that not just impossible, but also it would change the way I am, cause all those mistakes grow me up, and made me just like today, present, a gift. And I just need to hold on.
Ini adalah tugas akhirku, berharap bisa mengejarnya sebelum semester baru dimulai lagi, dan apabila tidak, aku tidak akan menyia-nyiakannya karena ini adalah kesempatan akhirrku untuk belajar menjadi mahasiswa yang berkomitmen dengan tugasnya,dan untuk menuntaskan sebuah tugas akhir sebelum aku benar-benar harus masuk dalam lingkaran dunia kerja.

Perjuangan Tanpa Akhir

2009-09-19T20:40:00.000-07:00

Rasanya seperti seabad kuliah di USU. Seperti nano nano, ada manis, asam, asin, semua dech...
Entah kenapa aku merasa sangat lelah kuliah di USU. Apalagi saat ini. Meski jarang ke kampus karena sekarang tinggal nyelesaikan laporan kerja praktek (tinggal berurusan dengan koordinator) dan tugas akhir, beban malah terasa makin berat. Rasanya ingin sekali mengakhiri semua ini, terasa seperti benalu yang ingin saya singkirkan. Tapi saya ragu apakah saya mampu menyelesaikannya sebelum semester baru mendatang di bulan 12?
Wuihh..kalo diingat-ingat, perjuangan saya di USU emank panjang banget..walau saya sering mengeluh dan merasa universitasku ini kalah kelas dengan universitas di luar, bagaimanapun sejelek-jeleknya universitasku, tetap saja USU itu universitasku, selamanya aku akan tetap menyandang titel dari universitas ini.
Mulai dari masa OSPEK, masa-masa kuliah, masa penantian saat responsi lab, masa diskusi di koridor, masa ngejar-ngejar dateline tugas kuliah..aduh...kalodikenang-kenang ternyata aku bisa merasa kuliah di sini gak gitu jelek-jelek amat...
Orang lain mungkin bisa berpendapat lain saat mendengarnya, bahkan saya berjumpa dengan sobat atau famili yang punya pendapat tak ada gunanya kuliah di perguruan tinggi negeri yang menghabiskan hampir sepanjang hari di kampus tak pasti kegiatannya (karena lebih baik bagi mereka untuk bekerja sembari kuliah malam hari), ya tapi itu kan mereka...toh kita-kita di sini banyak yang kerja juga sebagai guru privat dengan penghasilan yang bahkan melebihi mereka..tapi tak perlu diperdebatkan deh, yang paling penting adalah hasil akhirnya. Nambah beban aja mikirinnya.
Seperti tercebur dalam air, jangan setengah-setengah, sekalian aja semuanya..Toh udah sampai ke tahap ini, masa depan yang baru seperti mengintip dari jarak beberapa bulan ke depan. Saya berharap saya bisa lebih optimis dan melangkah dengan lebih pasti. Hidup adalah sebuah perjuangan. Tak boleh menyerah begitu saja. Apalagi perjuanganku di USU ini sudah bisa dibilang membuat saya nangis darah..haha..
so I'll just keep going on..

A Beautiful Refreshing Day

2009-09-16T22:42:00.000-07:00

Just spent a beautiful refreshing day this Sunday with my friend Rani, and met her sister, Dina, who is so just like Ran, so cheerful.
My bro drove us to Vihara in Cemara Asri, nice place. We ate and talked a lot..then we took a walk, really nice view there, we took some pics and then my bro drove us to Thamrin Plaza. We watched the movie: Death Defying Acts..a harry houdini biography..nice one though not really drove the adrenalin, my bro met his friends there and they watched Whisper, said it was better.
But I didn't regret at all, cause how funny, we met ran's sister at the theatre! Then after watched the movie, ran and I decided to went for pizza. We spent almost 1 hour to wait for the pizza, cause it so crowded, that way Dina came and join us...and the funny things is the meal always took 20 minutes to came out, we almost lose the topics we talked.
Almost 7 pm when we decided to went home. They both still had to took 1 and half hours to get back To Belawan, and me? My lovely Bro drove me home..

10 short facts about health

2009-08-27T21:13:00.000-07:00

1. You will gain weight if you eat after 8 pm
2. Fat-free foods are healthy.
3. You should not eat carbohydrates if you want to lose weight.
4. Some foods have ‘negative calories’.
5. Decaf coffee has no caffeine.
6. Margarine is healthier than butter.
7. Bananas are fattening.
8. Cooking veggies destroys their vitamin content.
9. High-fructose corn syrup is more fattening than regular sugar. 1
10. Salt causes high blood pressure and should be avoided

I Think To Myself

2009-08-27T21:04:00.000-07:00

I always love to hear the deep beautiful voice of Louis Armstrong singing this legendary song:

I see trees of green, red roses too,
I see them bloom, for me and you.
And I think to myself... what a wonderful world.

I see skies of blue, and clouds of white,
The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night.
And I think to myself... what a wonderful world.

The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky,
Also the faces of people going by.
I see friends shaking hands, say how do you do?
They're really saying, I love you.

I hear babies crying, I watch them grow,
They'll learn much more than I'll ever know.
And I think to myself... what a wonderful world.

Yes I think to myself... what a wonderful world.

I once think that perhaps being a robot machine will much better. A machine could work with a high accuracy. It could work persistently in a long period, and much more than that, machine have no feeling, one thing that happen to be the world's most fragile thing.

But time proves I am wrong. Suddenly I understand my past has built me into what I am now. I see things with a different angle, and it really change everything.

While being human mean you'll never get a perfect job like the machine did, but that's the precious point, cause the mistakes and all the imperfect things we made are art. That actually made this world looks beautiful. If everything is done with machines and robots, will we have Picasso, Shakespeare, Michaelangelo, and Da Vinci?.

We get tired faster than machines, but that's whole other point. Sometimes we need to stop and take a look of what we've done. Take a look surrounds us. Get to know each other. We need a limit to control our wicked mind cause we always need to take a revision. That's why we control the machine.

Finally, about the "feeling". Feeling could be hurt easily. But I think I was stupid to ever think that it's good to not feel. Cause I am the writer of this blog, I said to myself that, life couldn't be more beautiful if it just one taste! I'm hurt and sad someway, but I do happy and..oh gosh..I read a ship of beautiful stories, and more ships are waiting, I also watch many beautiful movies that taught me life's lessons, I hear beautiful songs and I experience my own adventure, and it hasn't finished. Why I must pretend to be deaf, dumb and blind??? I understand now feeling is jut like a piece of paper. You could tear it right away, but you can also write, draw or fold it beautifully...

I think to myself..for another thousand times
I am not willing to give up this whole life...It's my life.

Top 10 Richest Person In The World 2009

2009-07-31T22:48:00.001-07:00

Top 10 Richest Person In The World 2009

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Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince: I changed

2009-07-18T11:52:00.000-07:00

I watched Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince just a few hours ago.
Something come up to my mind when I found I was not getting interested like before. I didn't get anxious like when I watched the 5 series before. I am questioning myself, is the movie already lose the touch or have I changed??

I hate the fact that the story of the seventh novels end up with Hermione being with Ron. My favourite always Hermione and Harry. And I suppose to find out in the movies that Hermione's character seem less and less..She never look as smart as the novel told, and she is acting so weak, I guess, especially about the relationship with Ron. Don't think David Yates is a good director. I like Mike Newell for the Fourth movie. But I always love Emma Watson. She really grows beautifully and I believe the only scene that left in my thought after watching the 6th movie was when she cries on Harry's shoulder. But I am so disappointed actually coz they happen to be just best friends. This serie also lack of actions and go slowly. But I guess the story about the Lily's petal that turn out to fish in a bowl really touching.

But again, I guess the real problem is not about the movie. It's me. I think I changed. Is it this way to feel that world is a place that you can't enjoy anymore..

I remembered the cool and calm Robert Redford, my favourite actor, said in Lion for Lambs: the tough thing of adulthood is it starts before you even know it starts.

He is absolutely right.

My mind is very fickle. Some years later my mind will not be the same like today. And all are choices...So I guess what today holds is a big deal. I gotta make the deal. This is it. This is the very beggining and all the way down there is still waiting for me.

Hurt

2009-07-15T11:27:00.000-07:00

Old Songs seem like my life's soundtrack now. The lyrics somehow can made me stunned. From "yesterday" (by The Beatles), "my way" (by Frank Sinatra) and the saddest one, "hurt" by Johnny Cash.

"Hurt" was one of Cash's final hit releases before his death. The accompanying video, which shows a montage of his life, is exceptional. It featured images from Cash's life and directed by Mark Romanek and was named the best video of the year by the Grammy Awards.

This is a song about pain, something Cash was familiar with. He recorded it towards the end of his life for his album, ‘American IV: The Man Comes Around’. The voice is frail and full of emotion. Cash did something magical with this song and we are beholden to him. I am.

I was really moved by this song. Never in my life I can imagine to live in a way like "crown of thorns", but in a way I can feel it through Cash's voice. A man who have been through all the long hard way. Not original his song, but he make it. And thanks to him want to sing this song. Johnny Cash is a music legend.

I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but I remember everything

what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know goes away in the end
and you could have it all my empire of dirt

I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of thorns
upon my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
beneath the stains of time
the feelings disappear
you are someone else
I am still right here

what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know goes away in the end
and you could have it all my empire of dirt

I will let you down
I will make you hurt

if I could start again
a million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way

I Hate The Word "Wish"

2009-06-29T10:17:00.000-07:00

The bad part of being an adult is it starts before you even know it starts. Some tough thing I have to face. This is my blog. And I am keep bulling some shit the hell out of my life. And no one care more to read my silly writing about desperate silly randoms thing that I myself confess, not interesting and not target-oriented. I realize I still haven't found my direction in my life. And I hate..no.. really hate the word "wish", because it just like I'm putting too much hope, and then I keep falling, keep being disappointed, especially to myself. It hurt. No one would understand me. No one.

I felt so dizzy..so sucks..and felt tired..I shouldn't keep my young spirit go..but it can't help. People believe the power of a pray. But again, I will meet the word : wish. You pray, you wish, you hope. When I was a child, that word come many times to my thought in a day. Maybe it because I am a melancholic one, so when all the wishes don't come true, I become a loser..

All the way, I try, as hard as I could, to gain everything I need to recover and prepare a healthy mind, to prepare my future. But at the end of a day, still..I guess I don't recognize myself anymore.
Why? I don't know.

And I discover for all the time..I am a lonely person. And how funny..I like my loneliness.
But too sad to realize I can't be around people as I want it to be. Too hard for me to imagine what others talking at my back. Am I such a weird?

Well, why after all those things I done to myself, promises that I've made, positive thinking that I've been built in my mind, all those inspiring stories..I still feel afraid to live my life. I want to scream out loud, I want prove to the world I am someone, I want to stand up and build my dream, but at the same time I also felt so doubt that God is doing His mysterious way to me.

People say that watching sunset at a the sea is a time when you can see a wonderful view at the end of the day. Just like delivering the sun to heaven, some kind feeling burst out at that time, and perhaps you can smell heaven..
I never watching sunset at the sea.

I am not talking about my beliefs to God. I ain't talking about how I feel so disappointed to myself. Ain't no how I hate all the way I am being. I am writing in the world's most boring blog to express how I feel about my life. And I am not giving up. NO.

I swear I'm not gonna wish anymore. I am going to live my life just like open highway. I believe there is a reason why I am in this circumstance. I am an adult now, so I have to be responsible for all I've done. Whatever will happen, just let it be. I am gonna do my best today. Everyday. I know even I don't get what I want, experiences is always I get, and It help me a lot to hold on.

One Life

2009-06-23T09:37:00.000-07:00

I guess I'm too young to say this: "there is too much beauty in this life, from simplest thing like the falling rain to complicated thing like the rhythm of heart beat, but there is also too much horrible things in this life, like those unlucky people living in war, those children who died from famine, and some who scream for any help.."

I don't experience that. I know nothing. I only read and watch. Who am I so I know the meaning bout life??
I'm such a suck.

When I was in high school, I always loved to follow the History subject, there was an interesting fact that made me so much impressed since I can still remember till now. In 1941, Franklin D Roosevelt, the 32th president of United States declared 4 freedoms:

The first is freedom of speech and expression -- everywhere in the world.

The second is freedom of every person to worship God in his own way -- everywhere in the world.

The third is freedom from want -- which, translated into world terms, means economic understandings which will secure to every nation a healthy peacetime life for its inhabitants -- everywhere in the world.

The fourth is freedom from fear -- which, translated into world terms, means a world-wide reduction of armaments to such a point and in such a thorough fashion that no nation will be in a position to commit an act of physical aggression against any neighbor-- anywhere in the world

Well, I would like to talk about the fourth freedom. Freedom of fear. And as for me, even though Mr. Franklin D. Roosevelt intended it about "national threats", I guess it's the same for personal. Everyone in this world need to feel free from fear, fear from anything that could threat their life, something like all those horrible things I said before.

I don't talk about politics or economics. I am talking about life. Why we have to appreciate this life. How..?? Is it have to be rich men who have all the dreams come true can share this beauty of this life, while those unlucky ones share all the horribles things?

I'm not a judge. I don't even know why I think this way. Maybe some people out there know the answer, and some people don't care, and many will never think of this way..a stupid way, huh??

Yeah, I'm hesitate. But I do know one thing. As my blog title said "life is just like a cup of coffee", the taste never perfect if only sweet, you need bitter. Just like the stars need the night to shine brightly. I want to live my life. Just like bon jovi always said: it's my life, it's now or never. I ain't gonna live forever, I just wanna live my life alive. It's my life, my heart is like an open highway, like Frankie said I did it in my way, I just wanna live my life alive.

Maybe I am suck, maybe I know nothing. But I realize we are one in this world. One life. One.

Is it getting better
Or do you feel the same
Will it make it easier on you now
You got someone to blame
You say...

One love
One life
When it's one need
In the night
One love
We get to share it
Leaves you baby if you
Don't care for it

Did I disappoint you
Or leave a bad taste in your mouth
You act like you never had love
And you want me to go without
Well it's...

Too late
Tonight
To drag the past out into the light
We're one, but we're not the same
We get to
Carry each other
Carry each other
One...

Have you come here for forgiveness
Have you come to raise the dead
Have you come here to play Jesus
To the lepers in your head

Did I ask too much
More than a lot
You gave me nothing
Now it's all I got
We're one
But we're not the same
Well we
Hurt each other
Then we do it again
You say
Love is a temple
Love a higher law
Love is a temple
Love the higher law
You ask me to enter
But then you make me crawl
And I can't be holding on
To what you got
When all you got is hurt

One love
One blood
One life
You got to do what you should
One life
With each other
Sisters
Brothers
One life
But we're not the same
We get to
Carry each other
Carry each other

One...life

One

A story to remember about time...

2009-06-07T06:21:00.000-07:00

I never thought I could like Brad Pitt before; he seemed like usual one in my eyes, I never get charmed by his performance before. I like his action in Spy Game, but still, only Robert Redford can steal my salute.

Instead, his acting at The Curious Case of Benjamin Button really makes me impressed. It was great. And his voice at the epilog really sounds right and lovely. He made Benjamin Button look like someone that need this world’s affection, need to be loved because he is special..Benjamin Button and his curious case..

A great story. And I was surprised to know that the movie script was written by the same person who wrote for Forrest Gump, it’s Eric Roth! No wonder I am really satisfied by this long sad drama which fulfilled by life’s lessons.

As we all know, we never can fight time. People come and go, and no matter what the reason, time goes by without any permission. At the beginning of this story, there is a watch maker who feels so sad for losing his son who died at the war. Then he made a big watch which running backwards as he hoped people who died at the war could come back and gather again with their family. Seems like a watch maker always deal with time and understand more about this Life, finding a secret that ordinary people don’t get it. It was a touching moment actually.

Then, with the long story of a boy who born at his eighties and start growing younger until he died as a baby, I think I figured out something, some precious thing I suddenly realize, no matter forward or backward, time keeps walking, don’t need to blame everything that happened, cause the best thing is just keep on walking with time, let it thought yourself what is Life…it’s so simple, but also complicated..I’ll remember the epilog of this movie that Benjamin (Brad Pitt’s voice woth the backround music: Bethena, a concert waltz) said:

Some people are born to sit by a river, some get struck by lightning, some have an ear for music. Some are artists, some swim, some know buttons, some know Shakespeare, some are mothers, and some people dance…

Life can’t be more beautiful than meeting people with different characters. I envy Benjamin button who can experienced so many great things that not much people can have it..

I think I know what movie could leave a deep impression in my thought, it’s talking about adventure of life. Like Forrest Gump, Like Benjamin Button.

As Chinese proverb always said:

一寸光阴一寸金 (one inch of time is like one inch of gold)

寸金难买寸光阴 (one inch of gold can’t buy one inch of time)

And english proverb said:

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is mistery,

but today is a gift (that’s why it called present)

I do believe Benjamin Button never regret growing younger while others going older. Even he can’t grow together with his daughter and forget his whole life at his late years; I think Benjamin have a very inspiring character inside, as his daughter said she wish she know him better. In fact, Benjamin’s curious case left everyone who watched this movie, one thing to be remembered, time is something precious you can’t never deal with, but at one moment, it also give you so much space to make you see, how beautiful this life is.

Lintang, Inspirasi Baruku

2009-05-21T21:16:00.000-07:00

Aku menemukan inspirasi baru setelah membaca novel Laskar Pelangi Andrea Hirata. Agak terlambat membacanya, karena novel yang diangkat dari kisah nyata penulisnya sendiri ini sudah lama beredar di pasaran, bahkan sampai dengan seri keempatnya.

Tapi aku benar-benar takjub. Aku juga sudah menonton filmnya. Dan yang aku rasakan adalah satu hal yang sama. Sebuah perasaan haru dan sedikit rasa malu.

Aku merasa haru menyaksikan kondisi pendidikan Indonesia. Betapa ironisnya digambarkan kisah Sekolah Laskar Pelangi itu dengan sekolah orang-orang kaya PN Timah yang pada waktu itu merajai Bangka BElitung. Dan yang aku sesali, sampai saat ini, ternyata masih ditemukan sekolah bonrok seperti dalam kisah ini, membayangkan anak-anak miskin dengan semangat belajar itu berada dalam sekolah reyot, sementara ada anak-anak orang kaya yang mengeluh anak pinsilnya kurang hitam di seuah kelas full AC, ada sedikit rasa kesal di hatiku. Bukankah bila anak-anak desa yang miskin itu diberi perlakuan yang sama, maka prestasi dan masa depan mereka juga tidak kalah dengan anak-anak beruntung itu?

Seperti Lintang, jenius didikan alam. Aku malu pada diriku sendiri yang tidak memiliki separuh semangat anak nelayan ini. Ia rela megayuh sepeda dibawah terik matahari atau air hujan, menempuh jarak yang begitu jauh, kadang harus menghadapi buaya di tengah jalan (menunggunya turun ke sungai), tapi ia tidak pernah bolos..dan ia tidak pernah mengeluh. Ia belajar dimana saja, kapan saja, seakan ingin menantang nasib, kemiskinan tidak akan menjadi hambatan baginya untuk menjejalkan semua ilmu yang bisa ia peroleh dengan membaca buku.
Aku sependapat dengan Ikal, tokoh utama dalam LAskar pelangi. Lintang lebih berhak untuk memperoleh pendidikan yang lebih baik dibandingkan anak-anak pejabat tak tahu diri yang rajin berkorupsi dan menyelesaikan pendidikannya lewat uang suapan! Lintang adalah calon ilmuwan sejati, ia mungkin saja akan menjadi peraih nobel pertama dari Indonesia. Tapi sayang seribu sayang, ia terhempas roda nasib, ayahnya meninggal, ia terpaksa menanggung beban keluarga, menhidupi adik-adiknya..ia tidak bisa bersekolah dan akhirnya menjadi pekerja kasar.

Tapi semangat Lintang tidak pernah luntur. Ia tetap saja menganggap pendidikan itu penting dan ia tidak menyesali garis kehidupannya. Sebuah jiwa yang begitu mulia!
Kurasa aku menemukan sebuah pencerahan dalam kisah Lintang. Inspirasi baruku.

Top 10 eccentric buildings

2009-05-07T00:10:00.000-07:00

I'm living in a boredom. I try to escape from it by reading books..the best activity I can do. But I love to read in conditions. In peacuful manners, and it used to be late at night, alone, with a cup of coffee of course..
People will consider me as a nerd and a very difficult person to hanging around. Well, I thought like that too, I'm not really comfortable in crowd..I don't have a good sense of humour, and I don't really love the conversations that I'm not interested in, and most people don't like topics that I am Interested in. So, what a world, huh?
I finally stop thinking that I am unusual, cause I enjoy myself getting inside my world..no matter what the world think..I gotta believe in myself. So I just keep doing my habits, reading.ANd I want to share a very lovely article about eccentrics buildings around the world. Check it out.
In a world of bland, corporate buildings, thank goodness for those architects and designers who express their individuality. They brighten up our world. From works of art to the downright wacky, here is a list, some of which I have been fortunate to find it, even just can see those photos!!!

10. Guggenheim Museum - Bilbao, Spain

No list is possible without the architect Frank Gehry. Built alongside the Nervion River, the curves are typical Gehry and were designed to catch the light. The museum, opened to the public in 1997, exhibits Spanish and international artists and the unusual design made it an important tourist attraction for the town. Gehry wanted the design to resemble a ship in honour of Bilbao’s status as a port. The building is made of limestone and glass, and titanium panels made to look like fish scales.

9. Dali Theatre and Museum - Figueras, Spain

Another Spanish art museum, this houses the largest collection of Salvador Dali’s artwork in the world. Figueras was the artist’s birthplace and he wanted to rebuild the old theatre from the ruins left by the bombs of the Spanish Civil War. The museum opened in 1974 and was expanded through the 1980s. Dali supervised the design, which matched the eccentricity of his paintings and sculptures, particularly in the giant eggs on the roof. Dali’s crypt is in the basement.

8. Turning the Place Over - Liverpool, England

This is an art installation contained within a derelict building, which has served as an attraction during Liverpool’s tenure as European City of Culture. Sculptor Richard Wilson’s creation surprises passers-by. An oval shaped 8-metre diameter section of the wall was cut and made to spin round on a pivot to reveal the interior of the building.

7. The Mushroom Tree House - Cincinnati, Ohio

This other worldly construction looks as if it was transplanted from a children’s picture book. It doesn’t appear to have been built at all and looks like it sprung up from the ground. The effect was achieved by the former Professor of Architecture and Interior Design at the University of Cincinnati, the late Terry Brown. Brown’s students helped with the project and were graded for it. It can be found in the Hyde Park district of the city.

6. Ripley’s Believe It Or Not Building - Branson, Missouri

The Branson museum is one of a chain of museums, housing the bizarre artifacts owned by the Ripley franchise. The building was designed to commemorate the devastating earthquake, which registered over 8.0 on the Richter Scale, in 1812 in New Madrid, Missouri. The crack across the building gives the impression that it has just survived its own earthquake. The Ripley’s Believe It Or Not Museum in Orlando, Florida is designed to appear as if it is sinking into the ground.

5. The Robot Building - Bangkok, Thailand

The robotic design, by the architect Sumet Jumsai, houses the United Overseas Bank headquarters. Located in the Sathorn business district, it was completed in 1986 when contemporary design was in vogue. It’s a friendly looking robot with lidded eyeballs for windows. The architect’s remit was to design something that made a statement about the modern, computerised nature of banking.

4. Sagrada Familia - Barcelona, Spain
Many visitors go to Barcelona just to see the work of the architect, Antoni Gaudi. He didn’t like straight lines and he avoided them whenever possible! His most ambitious construction, the Sagrada Familia Roman Catholic Church is still to be finished. Gaudi worked on it from 1852 until his death in 1926. It is scheduled to be open to the public for worship in 2010. Its towers are the most iconic image of Barcelona and it looks as if it belongs in a fairy story. The church is full of Christian symbolism, dedicated to the saints. Gaudi’s other famous Barcelona landmarks include Casa Mila and Park Guell.

3. The Basket Building - Newark, Ohio

Not many people get to work in a replica of a hand woven gift basket! This environment is headquarters to the Longaberger Company, a successful basket manufacturer. The founder, Dave Longaberger, wanted all his company buildings to be in the shape of a basket but his daughters countered his wishes following his death. However, this 7-story replica of one of the company’s products is not the only giant Longaberger basket in the area. Dave had also instigated the Apple Basket in Frazeysburg, the house sized Picnic Basket in Dresden, and the Big Easter Basket in Lorain.

2. The Crooked House - Sopot, Poland

The architectural firm of Szotynscy Zaleski took inspiration from fairytale illustrations and from the designs of Spanish architect, Antoni Gaudi to design this remarkable construction. The roof is covered with bluish green enamelled shingles that look like dragon scales. The interior is conventional and contains bars, shops and cafes.

1. The Dancing House - Prague, Czech Republic

Tourists from all over the world come to marvel at the beautiful churches and other historic buildings in Prague, so they are surprised to find this contemporary gem. It houses the Nationale-Nederlanden insurance company and was designed by Vlado Milunic and Frank Gehry. Construction was between 1992 and 1996 and was endorsed by the President of the Czech Republic, Vaclav Havel. A French restaurant occupies the roof, affording magnificent views over the city. Other nicknames for the building include the Fred and Ginger, and the Drunk House.

You don't know what I got

2009-05-02T10:27:00.000-07:00

May has come. Not surprised. My activities seem to cover my days and blind me from time..it goes by so fast..and I wonder, am I doing the right thing? I hope.

Just got my Flash Telkomsel, so I can connect faster now, but I got a little problem to connect at my room, it is better outside..bad luck, huh? Not really. I want to have a positive thinking. Cause now I guess I understand that every single problem that annoyed me is things that I have to face it with a healthy mind, not really important if I got bad things (compare to others), all I need to do is giving my best about it.not comfortable doesn't mean I can't make the same or a better outcome..maybe God just giving me a more difficult test, I'll just have to keep doing the best I can.

I remember a touching scene at one of my favorite movies ,War of the worlds, when Tom Cruise and Dakota Fanning (who played as father and daughter) at the basement, I like the song Tom sing to her, here it is:

I'm not bragging, babe
so don't put me down
Cause I got the fastest
Set of wheels in town
Something comes up to me
They don't even try
Cause if I had a set of wings
Man, you know she can fly
She's my little deuce coupe
You don't know what I got
Just my little deuce coupe
You don't know what I got

no one know what I got. whatever it is for other, whatever the world say 'bout it, what I got is the best thing that only myself can describe it, perhaps it is a simple not mattered thing for other, but for me, it is precious.

As Beautiful As A Poem

2009-04-10T08:48:00.000-07:00

I’ve been thinking about all the beautiful songs lyrics, especially Chinese songs which most of it like poems. I try to breath inside the words, and I don’t know how..but it happened all the time that I just drowned in it..Mostly because the lyrics are too deep to dive. Many of them are too sad, but that’s the way it become beautiful. I realize the beauty behind all those characters. Can’t put it in words.
I just heard a beautiful song by, again, Jay Chou, 兰亭临(lan ting xu, orchid pavilion). The melodies combine the traditional chinese instrumental that make it sounds as perfect as the meaning behind this song. I love the feeling that simply come straight away to your soul after listening to these melodies..
Sometimes I just wish my life will be as beautiful as poem..even sad, but it got meaning..and beautiful.
Here is the song lyrics and the english translation.

兰亭临帖
Lan ting lin tie
The orchid pavilion faces
行书如行云流水
Xing shu ru xing yun liu shui
Semi-cursive script like flowing clouds and water.
月下门推心
Yue xia men tui xin
Intimately chatting in the night,
细如你脚步碎
Xi ru ni jiao bu sui
Your features are so delicate!
忙不迭
Mang bu die
It’s too much.
千年碑易拓却难拓你的美
Qian nian bei yi ta que nan ta ni de mei
I can make a rubbing of the ancient monument, but it is hard to copy down your beauty.
真迹绝
Zhen ji jue
The original copy disappears.
真心能给谁
Zhen xin neng gei shei
To whom can I give my sincerity?
牧笛横吹
Mu di heng chui
The shepherd’s dizi is playing, 1
黄酒小菜有几碟
Huang jiu xiao cai you ji die
There are several dishes of huangjiu and rice, 2
夕阳余晖
Xi yang yu hui
The setting sun casts pink shadows,
如你的羞怯似醉
Ru ni de xiu qie si zui
Reflecting your blushing shy face. 3
摹本易写
Mo ben yi xie
It is easy to copy the poem,
而墨香不退
Er mo xiang bu tui
But the scent of the ink does not leave.
与你共留余味
Yu ni gong liu yu wei
Staying with you is the left-over taste
一行朱砂
Yi hang zhu sha
Of the line of red ink. 4
到底圈了谁
Dao di juan liao shei
When all is said and done, who can escape it the seal it forms?

*无关风月
Wu guan feng yue
With no regards to romance,
我题序等你回
Wo ti xu deng ni hui
I inscribe the preface awaiting your return.
悬笔一绝
Xuan bi yi jue
My writing vanishes.
那岸边浪千叠
Na an bian lang qian die
A thousand waves lap at that shore.
情字何解
Qing zi he jie
These characters of love with no explanation,
怎落笔都不对
Zen luo bi dou bu dui
No matter how I write them, they are all wrong.
而我独缺
Er wo du que
So I am left alone without
你一生的了解
Ni yi sheng de liao jie
Knowing you for a lifetime.*

Chinese opera part: Repeat **

弹指岁月
Tan zhi sui yue
Time passes in a flick of the fingers.
倾城顷刻间湮灭
Qing cheng qing ke jian yan mie
Collapsing city walls, time quickly destroys everything. 5
青石板街
Qing shi ban jie
On the granite streets
回眸一笑你婉约
Hui mou yi xiao ni wan yue
You turn back with a smile on your soft face.
恨了没
Hen le mei
I hated not having you.
你摇头轻叹谁让你蹙秀眉
Ni yao tou qing tan shei rang ni cu xiu mei
You shake your head and gently sigh. Who makes you wrinkle your delicate eyebrows?
而深闺
Er shen gui
And in your dressing room,
徒留胭脂味
Tu liu yan zhi wei
You leave behind the taste of rouge.
人雁南飞
Ren yan nan fei
People fly south like geese.
转身一瞥你噙泪
Zhuan shen yi pie ni qin lei
Turning around, you blink and swallow your tears.
掬一把月
Ju yi ba yue
You scoop up the moon
手揽回忆怎么睡
Shou lan hui yi zen me shui
How can you sleep while hanging onto the memories?
又怎么会
You zen me hui
And how will your
心事密缝绣花鞋针针怨怼
Xin shi mi feng xiu hua xie zhen zhen yuan dui
Worries stitch the embroidery of resentment into your shoes?
若花怨蝶
Ruo hua yuan die
The way the flower blames the butterfly.
你会怨着谁
Ni hui yuan zhe shei
Who will you be blaming?

Repeat *

无关风月
Wu guan feng yue
With no regards to romance,
我题序等你回
Wo ti xu deng ni hui
I inscribe the preface awaiting your return.

手书无愧
Shou shu wu kui
The book is innocent,
无惧人间是非
Wu ju ren jian shi fei
But people are always in fear.
雨打蕉叶
Yu da jiao ye
Rain beats on the banana leaves,
又潇潇了几夜
You xiao xiao le ji ye
And has poured down for many nights.
我等春雷
Wo deng chun lei
I await Spring’s thunder,
来提醒你爱谁
Lai ti xing ni ai shei
To warn me of whom you love.

1 The dizi (“笛子”) is a type of Chinese flute. Jay played one for his remix of “Rice Fields” and “Dad, I’m Back” in his “Incomparable” concert.

2 Huangjiu (“黄酒”)is a type of Chinese wine.

3 Her face is blushing like she is a bit intoxicated.

4 This phrase also refers to make-up, so this line has two meanings that both make sense in context.

5 The first part also refers to beauty as well as collapsing city walls.

In the lyrics book, there is actually a short bit in a more cursive-type font above the lyrics, presumably from Vincent Fang, who wrote the lyrics to the song. The song is about "兰亭集序," an ancient poem and work of calligraphy from the 4th century by Wang Xizhi.

A Beautiful Mind

2009-03-28T05:05:00.000-07:00

I watched a wonderful movie based on a true and beautiful story of a mathematician genius: John Nash, last night. And I can't deny that I am deeply salute Professor John Nash and of course her lovely wife, Alicia. It's been a long time I want to watch this movie, cause I've read a lot of the reviews and also a curiosity that occur to me from the best seller book by Silvia Nassar. No wonder the movie got the best picture in Oscar Award. Really satisfying!

John Nash, portrayed by Russell Crowe, is a briliant but awkward Princeton University student. He then find theory of governing dynamics and other works such as equilibrium theory in economy (and I read from the wikipedia, he is also contibuting on the Game Theory that once I studied at the Operation Research in my university). He is a very nice character, I think. The way he always try to be realistic and going straight, the way he always want to have the world know that he does matter, important and his works can do something good, made me look at him as a very unique person. And you can see how he deals with girls. I believe that Alicia must be a very special woman that can see through his soul and find out something interesting that only a clever woman like her will understand. And most of all, the way how they fight the schizophrenia. The delusions that haunt him, like going to took control of his life. A difficult time for both of them as they also have a baby. The power of this story (and I really wondering can this be true..and yes it's true story) is this genius John Nash can figured out a solution of his illness in his own way, and how strong his wife was. They make the world believe the extraordinary thing could happen. This is the best part of it..I love the scene when Alicia finally made a decision not to bring John back to hospital and choose to fight with him. It's really touching when Alicia told him that what's real is their love..and the way waking on from dreams is not found in mind but in heart.

At the end, when John finally got the nobel prize, at the speech, he said that he have made the most important discovery in his life, the only logical reasons that can be true, and that is the mysterious equations of love. A sweet theory I guess. And a perfect reward for Alicia.

I also like Paul Bettany's acting (play as Charles Herman, John's roommate). And I don't know why, is just happen in my mind that he and Jennifer Connelly will be a perfect couple (this is out of the story) cause I think they both are great actor/actress. And then, you know..I just found out that actually Jennifer and Paul married in 2003 ..that really not surprising me!

I love Connelly when I see her in The Earth Stood Still, she has a bright performance, and I like her acting style especially the accent of her voice and all her movement! I think Kirsten Stewart trying to copy it (I just realize it when I watch Twilight carefully). And I love Paul Bettany from his acting as Peter Colt in Wimbledon, and as Silas in The Da Vinci Code.

Well, I guess this movie taught me something. A genius have his own way to solve problem, and sometimes we must believe that love is really a mysterious thing that could make what seems impossible become possible, even the most intelligent mathematician can't find the logic equation of it. It must be something that only can be experienced, not to be described.

One Day When Heaven's on Earth

2009-03-23T01:39:00.000-07:00

Tiap kali saya berjumpa dengan anak kecil yang mungil, manis, menggemaskan, saya seperti melihat hal paling innocent di dunia ini. Apalagi ketika mereka tersenyum atau tertawa, rasanya menyenangkan sekali.

Actually, saya merasa iri dengan mereka. Anak kecil yang hidup bahagia tanpa beban pikiran. Ada pepatah yang bilang kalau hidup ini tak akan berarti tanpa masalah, seperti laut yang tenang tanpa ombak, atau seperti secarik kertas putih tanpa makna. Hidup itu suatu tantangan, a journey, a cup of coffee..makin banyak rasa, makin membuat dirimu mengerti arti hidup itu sendiri, gak mau kan kalo dah tua nanti gak ada cerita yang dibagi buat cucu-cucu..tanpa masalah pastinya gak akan ada buku-buku fiksi atau non fiksi yang bagus untuk dibaca, gak akan ada film-film bagus untuk ditonton, dan juga gak ada musik yang bakal masuk ke jiwa..

Dan ada satu kutipan bagus lainnya : Tuhan tidak akan memberi masalah yang melebihi kemampuan kita. Jadi seberat apa pun masalah yang dihadapi manusia di dunia ini, sesungguhnya Tuhan yakin bahwa ia mampu mengatasinya sehingga ia diberi cobaan seperti itu.

Seperti dalam film Slumdog Milionaire yang baru kutonton 2 hari yang lalu. Tokoh utama Jamal dan Latika mengalami beriku-liku masalah yang berat dalam hidup mereka. Tapi ketegaran dan keyakinan mereka membawa sebuah perubahan nasib yang luar biasa. Sebuah contoh betapa hidup ini memerlukan suatu fight dan believe.

Dalam film ini, saya juga tertarik pada satu masalah lain, yaitu anak-anak india yang terlantar. Betapa memilukan saat saya menyaksikan adegan ketika seorang anak india terlantar yang harus menerima keganasan "penjahat" akibat suara nyanyiannya yang tidak begitu indah. Anak india tersebut dibius kemudian dicongkel kornea matanya..

Setelah merenungi lebih dalam, saya mencapai sebuah titik dimana saya merasa harus lebih mensyukuri hidup saya. Tidaklah pantas bagi saya untuk mengeluh atas arus kehidupan yang selama ini kupikir telah menyeretku ke tempat yang berlawanan arah dengan impianku. Tidak pernah terlintas dalam pikiranku bahwa di balik semua ini, ada halaman-halaman kehidupan yang akhir ceritanya dapat kutulis sendiri, hanya saja aku perlu memahami alur ceritanya, mengikutinya dengan seksama, dan akhirnya menulisnya dengan cara yang tepat..

Ada sebuah lirik dari lagu "Yesterday" by The Beatles, yang sangat saya sukai:

"..there's a shadow hanging over me..ooh..I believe in yesterday.."

Saya masih merasa dibayangi oleh hari-hari lampau yang saya lalui, saya selalu berharap bisa kembali ke masa itu dan memperbaiki kesalahan saya. Tapi, there's no turning back in LIFE. Seharusnya aku bisa melangkah ke depan. Dengan segala yang kumiliki saat ini bersama masa lalu yang memberi pelajaran penting, aku tidak boleh lagi menjadi pecundang yang hanya bisa berbicara dan berkhayal saja.

One day when I'll have my simple dream come true

That day I will smile as innocent as all those little angels

cause I' understand the day people have their dreams

it's the day when heaven's on earth

Not A Beautiful Memory

2009-03-16T21:28:00.000-07:00

We lost at the Industrial Engineering competition in Jakarta 10th March 2009. A little bit disappointed with myself. I didn't try harder...But I'm grateful for that, I learnt lot things..the most important is I met new friends and they were all really kind..

Not a beautiful memory last in my mind after days I spent in Jakarta, Yogya, or Bogor. I don't know how it could be like that. Something wrong with my health. I can't talk about it. I am just hoping I will get better soon.

Something weird when I have to get back to my daily activities at Medan. I keep thinking about the competition..what a stupid thing! I should leave that and start to walking to another chapter of my life. I won't let my story end at Jakarta.

锦瑟 (The Sad Zither)

2009-02-28T03:42:00.000-08:00

Sometimes poem can represent the feeling inside your thoughts..something beautiful through your heart that only you can describr to yourself. Less words, deep meaning. And sometimes it teach you about life.
Another lovely poem by 李商隐 below is one of his masterpiece. He is really a great poet!

锦瑟无端五十弦，
一弦一柱思华年。
庄生晓梦迷蝴蝶，
望帝春心托杜鹃。
沧海月明珠有泪，
蓝田日暖玉生烟。
此情可待成追忆，
只是当时已惘然。

Why should the zither sad have fifty strings?
Each string, each strain evokes but vanished springs:
Dim morning dream to be a butterfly;
Amorous heart poured out in cuckoo's cry.
In moonlit pearls see tears in mermaid's eyes;
From sunburnt emerald watch vapor rise!
Such feeling cannot be recalled again;
It seemed long lost e' en when it was felt then.

Note:
Zither is a musical instrument, consisting of a flat sounding box with numerous strings stretched over it, that is placed on a horizontal surface and played with a plectrum and the fingertips.

A Life's Path I've To Follow

2009-02-28T03:01:00.000-08:00

When destiny already told you that this is the path of your life,

when perfection becomes a burden in your shoulder to make it come true,

when everything just as scary as you are standing right at the end of the cliff,

when all the faces just irritate yourself,

you suddenly realize you are all alone and no one take a notice of you.

I am asking myself again, why should on earth I have all these unfair and crazy things happened to me?? I need some space for myself..let me be empty and weightless to find some inner peace indeed.

Maybe I am wrong. This is life. It's normal to have it all..I have no rights to complaint about it. But imagine that I have a chance like Bruce (in Bruce Almighty, starred by Jim Carey), what I want from God is not His Almighty Power, but I just want to talk to him, face to face. Cause I think no one can understand me, no one can see all through my soul, I wonder He as the last thing will know about it..

Seems ridiculous, cause I can't describe my feelings. Complicated. Sophisticated. I want different things. It's like living in boredom here...and the more I see, the more I learn, everything just making me so miserable because I have no challenging things to do. Not like I read. Not like I watch.

I try to catch the chance, try to make my life as I want it to be, and try to be an optimistic person. I have to proved that I am qualified to have a life that I want. But it's not easy...destiny is not easy to fight for..

So I'm following my life's path now. I'll go to Jakarta with friends next week. Representing my university in a competition. A big responsibility and a heavy one too..And then when I get back, I should consider our big task at the plant layout lab, finishing it as fast as I could..I don't wanna stuck in this university for a long time...I am sick of it! After that, I'll begin my journey for reaching my dream. A life that I want.

lose patient..

2009-02-18T23:54:00.000-08:00

I've been a part time teacher for almost 4 years. I teach the junior high school and high school students (math, physic, and chemistry). For all these years, I've never get any trouble with the students in explaining the lesson. I've never lose any control that will made me screaming at the top of my voice to my students.

But it changed six months ago. I got a new student named Richie. My firt impression when I met him was: he looked like a genius one.

Early days I taught him were just like ordinary teaching days, but then..I figure out that he is a very talkactive boy (as I know that usually boys are identic with the saying "talk less do much"). He is also the only student that will scream at me and made me felt that I am not his teacher, but just his friend.

I try to be patient, cause the problem here isn't he was not clever, but he is lazy..I have to use my extra energy to teach him, not just because he is trying to sleep everytime he got a chance (especially when we have a class at the morning, he always study in the way like the picture above), then I will lose my patient and shout at him. Actually it's really Really REally REAlly REALly REALLy REALLY annoying! He never can 100 % concentrate in studying. I have a difficulty in explaining the lesson to him because of that, especially the Physic Lesson..

I try to motivate him because he always think he can't get along with the lessons..but my motivation seems not really helpful for him..he still stand on his principal. Even I told him about Forrest Gump, he still haven't changed much.

I often got headache after teaching him..I don't know how to control my patient when I teach him.

Overall, he is a good person. I know he loves his family very much. And I know that he actually can do better than the last exam (when he just can get through the top 20 at his class) if he really concentrate at studying and be more diligent...

However Richie, if you read this, then you must understand how tired I am, help me please..don't make me angry next time!

I am frustated..

2009-02-13T10:26:00.000-08:00

The Plant Layout and Material Handling lab at USU really get me frustated. No idea how I could describe the feeling of unconvenient doing the things that actually doesn't matter at all in the reality. I'll leave these things if it won't be the last ticket (perhaps the golden ticket) to graduate...

And the worst part is: THE LONGEST FLOW PROCESS CHART FOR THE HISTORY IN USU. I hardly believe that I will spend the nights to finish it...God, tell me I can stood still..

I am not sure enough that everything will just run as well as the plan. But all of my friends are ready to fight..and I am ready for it too..although I am not going to enjoy it.

I won't be go home for a month or more...I miss the chinese new year cakes at my house (I haven't got back since day 3), must have no remnants anymore..I don't know..

I am not sad anyway, cause this is life. I am fighting for it.